theWHITEfamily

Luke at 3.5

2012-01-11T08:06:00.001-08:00

Luke is a funny kid. He really is. Every since Luke could talk we have always done this post bath routine. Whoever gets him out of the bath wraps him up like a "present" and sings Happy Birthday...then Luke pops out of the towels. We don't know where this came from, but its been going strong for a couple of years now. He is outgrowing the towels now. He thinks he isnt, but as you can see, he is. So, Justin and I have been trying to slowly stop this routine. He's a goofball~

He loves painting on his board Santa brought him. It stays out in the kitchen because he is pretty much painting, coloring, or drawing nightly after he's in his in pj's. People who know Luke, know the house is not quiet when he is in it unless he's asleep. But, he is actually very quiet while he works at his board. Must take concentration!

*1 more little Luke note*

Luke always refers to our cabin in Ruidoso as "The Cabinet". We have corrected him to many times to count, but he's pretty persistent with wanting it to be the cabinet. So we find ourselves calling it that now. lol.

We are so proud of this little guy! We are taking him to DisneyWorld to celebrate his 4th birthday. I cannot believe we are actually in the process of planning his 4th bday. Time changes when you become a parent. I literally pray for time to stand still. What a sweet boy he is growing up to be.

Joy to the World

2012-01-04T13:04:00.001-08:00

Luke and his future cousin Claira! This was the first time Luke has ever had a cousin to open presents with on Christmas. It was so much fun to watch them play together!! My brother has been dating Claira's mom for almost a year. Their relationship has begun getting to the "serious" stage, so it was wonderful to spend Christmas with them. It was natural, as if they had been part of our family forever. We are thankful for God bringing Erika into my brothers life. She is a great addition to our family and we all absolutely adore Claira!

Joseph & Erika

We saved this present for last bc we knew other Christmas presents wouldn't be opened once he opened his batman cave lol. He spends an hour playing this every single day. And, so happy my sister was able to fly in on Christmas day! Being a news reporter it is very hard to get off work, especially on holidays. She flew in on Christmas day, so Luke woke up and opened Santa gifts. We spent the rest of the day cooking, visiting my huge family and (im)patiently waiting for T to get there. Then we had an evening Christmas so we could all open gifts together! Aunt T would have died of heartbreak if she missed a single second of Luke opening presents. She adores him so much, she loves to be involved in his life 100%. It only takes 1 minute of being around them to understand their bond. She often flies into Lubbock to just take him out on dates (from Idaho)...she's flown in to watch him at swim lessons, gymnastics, take him to Chuck E Cheese, etc. I thank God daily, literally, for the bond they have.

Luke always opens the present he "gives" people lol

Working on their gingerbread house before church service.

As I grow older, I appreciate every holiday I get to spend with my grandparents. My Gramma has 64 grand & great grandkids. And she shops, wraps and buys all their Christmas presents every year. She's an Irish Catholic woman, so she is 1 tough cookie! Every holiday is like a family reunion, it's always so good to catch up with my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. These 2 people are the most selfless people in the world. I am their Godchild and that is not a role they hold lightly. I always get an extra little gift ;)

Justins grandparents! We did our Christmas in NM the weekend before Christmas. We were so blessed to spend time with Justins grandparents and eat delicious meals and enjoy church together. Justins grandparents are so fun to be around, we always laugh at his grandad especially! He's a funny man! Justin's Nan & Pop have blessed us tremendously by starting & adding to Luke's college fund every year. It is a huge blessing for us!

Nana & Papa!

I love watching them play together! Justin gets just as excited to play with Lukes Santa gifts as Luke does lol

Aunt Katy & Luke at church

5 little monkeys game! This boy loves games!

Lukes aunt Tamara and Uncle Keith at church!

As the holidays wind down, we get to reflect on how blessed we are. We thank God continuously for the love of family. We feel so lucky we both got to spend the holidays with our parents, siblings, and grandparents. Life is so precious, we have learned to stop and enjoy it. Take in every moment we can with our little boy. Praise you Jesus~

Christmas Party

2011-12-19T08:14:00.001-08:00

This past week, we got together with our close friends for a little Christmas party at 50th Street Caboose! Our kids all get along so well and we had a great evening! Little gifts were exchanged and we enjoyed a delicious meal. It was a fun evening and I absolutely feel blessed for our wonderful friends in Lubbock!

Only the best news ever...

2011-12-18T08:54:00.000-08:00

We met with our fertility specialist this past week...and the news was GREAT!

We are NOT out of the loop on having another baby!!!! That is an early Christmas present in itself :)

I will have to have a couple of surgeries, be on a few antibiotics and get on some medication to get my thyroid functioning again, but in the end, our doctor feels as though we still might have a chance at birthing another baby! I can't help but cry even as I write this...

I will continue to update as we go through this process. I have complete hope I will get to post a "I am Pregnant" blog soon!

I cannot even explain what a relief Justin and I have felt since this appointment. When we got into one of the rooms we had to do testing in, our specialist had me look at a wall. It was a gigantic cork board filled with pictures of families. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "every single one of these families were told they couldn't have kids again, and they all have 2 or more." I had chills shoot through my entire body. I started to cry, and the only words I could mutter were, "God bless you." I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what else to say or do?! She told me I would need to "trust" her and do everything she asked of me and she would help us get there. I was impressed with how much knowledge she had. She knew everything about our past. Every miscarriage, surgery, hospital visit etc. She was literally on top of everything in our medical history.

In the mean time, we are enjoying our Christmas holidays! We just recently had a fun Christmas party for Luke & his friends. (Pics to come!) We are in NM now celebrating an early Christmas weekend with all of Justins family. Life is good this holiday season.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and many blessings to come in 2012~

Puppy Love

2011-12-08T07:54:00.001-08:00

This is DIRK!

My parents dog, Kandice, passed away this past year. My parents got her when I was in the 8th grade. She was a part of the family forever and it was very hard when she passed away. In our families, dogs are a part of our family unit. Even for us, Jeter & Jaclyn travel with us, even though they are huge, they are still house dogs. Their puppy beds are as big as our King bed (almost!). Needless to say, picking out a new family member is a pretty big decision.

One night while we were discussing family Christmas presents, Luke said, "I want Nanny and Poppi to have a puppy. It's to quiet there now." I had been thinking the same thing for a bit of time now and when he said that, it was the perfect idea, Nanny & Poppi are getting a puppy for Christmas!!!

We did a lot of looking, some house visits with breeders, looked at some local pet shops. Then, I found an ad for a half lab, half german shepard. I went to the families home and as soon as I saw this little guy, I was sold. I was probably there 15 minutes total. He was exactly what we had been looking for! He is funny, bouncy, full of puppy breath and on his way to being spoiled rotten! He is staying with us until we go to DFW for the holidays. Part of their present is we are training Dirk. So, its almost as if we have another baby in the house! My alarm wakes me up in the middle of night for potty breaks, we are working on sitting, speaking, house training etc. He is a SMART dog! Luke spilled the beans over a heytell message to Nanny. (Don't you just love 3 years old inability to keep a "secret"?!) But, its fun, we send pictures daily so they can see him!

I can't wait to give my parents this cute, sweet puppy for Christmas! I know he will bring them a lot of laughs and new puppy memories! Luke is being such a big boy about knowing he is going to Nanny's house. We keep reminding him every time he goes visits he will get to see his new friend. He says smart boy things like, "he can help Poppi in the big yard." I am so glad he seems to be okay with that transition. I am sure there will be a few tears shed...but luckily he has a great relationship w/our 2 dogs! He knows those are "his" pups!

Welcome to the family DIRK! You are already so loved :)

Mini-Winter Vacation

2011-11-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, we took Luke to our cabin in Ruidoso for a little getaway. Here are the pics from our vacation, through his eyes :)

Thankful~

2011-11-28T14:15:00.000-08:00

3 generations of "Lee White"

My girl in-laws after Thanksgiving lunch!

The boys!

So very thankful for my little family that our Lord has blessed me with.

This little guy is the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for.

Luke & his Papa

Luke & his nana

My beautiful sister in law. So very thankful for her as a friend and sister in law. We are really close and I have loved watching her grow up into such an amazing woman. She had just finished 7th grade when Justin and I started dating. Now, she is a college graduate, has a great career, just got her own home and truly the most generous little ladies you could ever meet. :)

This boy can eat!

Despite the difficult news we received right before Thanksgiving, we had a wonderful holiday. We laughed, ate, napped and took time to pray and thank the Lord for His many blessings.

I hope each and everyone of your families had time to thank God for being our Savior. Sometimes, life can be hard, but we are truly appreciative for our families and friends and all the love and support they give us. There will always be hard times, bad news, difficult answers to questions we have been longing for. But, we have to keep our heads up, focus on the positive and keep moving one foot in front of another.

It's always hard to not see both of our families on special days. But, I am so thankful that my parents had an early thanksgiving for us 2 weeks ago. It means so much to me that they are so generous. We always switch Thanksgiving and Christmas between our 2 families. I cannot even explain how much we appreciate our families being loving and understanding of this.

I hope Christmas season brings many blessing and love to you all!

Happy Holiday Season!

What is Faith...

2011-11-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

I feel as though over the past 2 months, my faith has been tested down to the core.

Today, it all came tumbling down on me. I feel everything deep down into my soul that has been going on. Like, I feel it. There has been no time to put feelings to the side to get through the day. Is it so wrong to feel? Not always, sometimes we have to get to that point to move forward. Yes, God, this has been the hand we have been dealt with. I have lost friends to the Lord, I have watched my closest friend lose her mom, I have hurt for others. Today, I hurt for myself. And it is all real. This is my life, and now, my faith has to get me through it.

The call came in around 9am, I am down into the 10% chance of EVER being able to have another child. I know I have an amazing son, I know how blessed I am for that. This post isn't with an ungrateful heart. It is from a real heart of a mom that wanted 4+ kids. It's a real form of the pain a mom feels when she learns she may never have kids again.

Lupus has completely attacked my uterus, I am down into the 90% chance that I wont be able to be pregnant again. But, what FAITH does, is remind us that we still have a 10% shot of being blessed with another child. My body just isnt producing the things I need to have a kid. But, we are going to do everything the dr asks of us. EVERYTHING. And we are going to pray, hope and have FAITH that God will hear our prayers.

My diet has to be perfect. There can be no room for error. None. No pressure right?! No sugars, no fried food, nothing. No alcohol (my only loss here is my glass of wine in the bath!). No stress. I must take 30 mins out of everyday to do yoga, meditate and practice breathing. (I have to admit I actually look forward to this request of my ob lol) No caffeine. Goodbye morning cup of coffee.

We will still do the fertility treatments for 1 year.

More important than all of that...we will PRAY. Faith has been on our side so many times before. It just hurts and is shocking to hear a doctor tell us this news. But, Justin and I decided, we have to look at tomorrow as a new day. So many lifestyle changes have to happen, but we will do it together as a family. Even writing this I feel a strength inside. I know my life is in Gods hands, and HE is the miracle provider. I trust in that so much.

Puzzles

2011-11-22T09:12:00.001-08:00

Friday night puzzle time w/dad!

So calm...considering.

2011-11-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally had my anxiously awaited doctor appointment to discuss my uterus, cervix, pelvis, etc. How fun? Right...WRONG.

I will skip past all the descriptions and other yucky stuff.

The results: we DON'T know...still.

But, we will very soon.

Just a quick summary:
My Lupus is attacking my uterus. The doctor removed a pretty large amount of polyps from my insides (rather painful and not fun). She also realized I was not ovulating. Despite having a "cycle", I wasn't actually having a "cycle". Sucks, huh? Girls know exactly what I am talking about. So anyways, we now we will be working with our Ob, our high risk ob and a fertility specialist is now added to that list.

Considering everything, I am so calm. I did my "little" bit of tears and hugs with Justin. Hugged Luke ultra tight and said a prayer of thankfulness for the blessings God has given us. Then I was okay. I have a lot of hope! I sent a few text messages w/our close family joking around. Something like.."we might end up Tara & Justin plus ten". I truly was able to laugh about it. I guess I just know this is all in God's hands. It has never been in mine. I was told I would never have kids and I still have the most perfect, amazing little boy. He is a gift as will be our future lil tots. I genuinely believe that God will bless us with another child. I feel it in my heart. Deep into my soul.

I searched all the info I could find on our new fertility specialist. From what I read, she is blunt, a hard worker and the first doctor to have a positive in-vitro fertilization in Lubbock. All sounds good to me. I look forward to Justin and I meeting with her in a few short weeks to see what our next step will be.

Until then, I will just keep loving on our sweet guy. Baking for the holidays and playing on pinterest ;)

Hula Hoop Fun

2011-11-17T14:57:00.001-08:00

Best $5 purchase I have made in a long time!

Fighting for a CURE...in the most fun kind of way!

2011-11-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, so many of our friends and family in the DFW metroplex came out to support Tamara and the Lymphoma society in the Dallas Winter Pineapple Classic. It was a great day, full of fun! 1 of my closest friends and sorority sisters, Monica, competed with my brother and her husband. We laughed so much doing the course! I was not good at all at taking pictures this year. The pictures do not even do the whole day justice.

Our family always has this saying, "we will find a cure, one step at a time." We truly mean that, every event we attend, put on, support, etc. is more help in finding a cure for Tamara. It is my every prayer we find a cure for blood cancer, for all cancers.

Luke at 3.5

2011-11-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile since I have updated what Luke is into etc.

- Weight 42 pounds
- Dusty Blonde hair and big, brown eyes
- Silly
- LOVES to entertain
- Can count into 30's
- Can count backwards from 10
- Can spell his full name: Lucas Lee White
- Prefers to be called Luke
- Into ANY and EVERY superhero
- Can name almost every type of dinosaur & what food they eat
- Really into learning how to read at the moment. Loves learning and spelling new words
- HATES to pick up his toys at night. He will come up with every excuse, "foot hurts" .."my tummy hurts to bend over" etc. It will take him 15 minutes to pick up 3 toys. lol.
- He is so funny when it comes to prayer time at the dinner table. He has "thanked" Jesus for all his "brothers and sisters" the "toys are the toy store mom and dad are going to buy me" etc.
- Likes: Trix cereal, cinnamon pop tarts, funyuns, apples, bananas, avocados, sandwiches and yogurt.
- He knows how to "heytell" message on my phone
- Loves to take my camera and take pictures of everything in the house
- Will LIVE outside during the day if he could ;)
- Loves movies! Very into: Lion King, Dumbo, Madagascar(s) and Cars. And anything with dinosaurs.
- His favorite toys: Kitchen set, train set, car mat and matchbox cars, basketball goal, and all his 2million superheros
- Loves to wrestle with his daddy every night
- Loves to read me books while I take a bath in the evenings
- Likes going out to eat where there are "games" to play.
-SOOO SOOO SOOO lovable. If you ask for a kiss you will get it with about 50 more.
- Will NOT wear undies unless they have a super hero on them.

--> Lucas Lee,
You are a joy to be around every day. Even when you are "grouchy" you still bring a light into this house and our lives that is irreplaceable. Your laugh can stop time for daddy & I. We love you to the...stars, sun, moon and back :)

Love, Mommy

2011 Halloween~

2011-11-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

Life..the good, bad and sad

2011-10-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

The past couple of months, life has seemed to throw a lot of trials, heartbreak and sadness out for so many people I love and care about. These times pull us so close to our loved ones, keep us on our knees in prayer..they put life into far more perspective the older we get. "No one is ever guaranteed tomorrow, so live today."

1 of my very close friends, Ryann, lost her mom yesterday after a 2 year battle with breast cancer. Ryann and I have been through the journey of cancer together. Her mom was diagnosed shortly after my sister was diagnosed w/cancer. We have allowed ourselves to be weak with each other, because we are the strong ones for our families.

Background: Ryann & I went to the same high school, graduated together. In our little town, there was only around 245 in our graduating class, so everyone knew everyone. Literally. Ryann was on the dance team and was very shy. I was outgoing and hung w/the athletes. We were 2 different people and not too close of friends in high school. But, we were nice to each other, had no problems of any kind. It was years later when we formed our bond.

When myspace became the center of the social world, Ryann and I reconnected. We had lunch when I came into town. We "chatted it up" on myspace, etc. Then, we became really close. Both Ryann & I both found out we were pregnant w/our 1st child at the same time. 2 months later, we both miscarried at the same time. Fast forward another few months, we both found out we were pregnant again. Both were sickkkkk during pregnancies with frequent hospital visits. Both delivered healthy babies just a few weeks apart. Our kids have playdates when we go home, we attend birthday parties for each other, etc. Then tragedy hit both of our families. My sister and her mom were diagnosed just days after my sister with cancer. 2 different cancers, but it doesnt matter, cancer effects the whole family, no matter what kind. Our relationship became something so strong during that time. We have morning phone calls with updates, we cry together, we get mad together, we pray together. Early this year, I went through another miscarriage, and Ryann went through a personal life tragedy. We constantly laugh at how we are soul sisters in life lol. We have needed each other over the past few years to get through the trials of life.

When Ryann called me and told me just a couple of weeks ago that her moms cancer had moved to her brain, we prayed and prayed. Never did we expect that she would loose her so quickly. Just a few days ago she called because they put her mom on hospice. I knew what hospice care meant, and so did Ryann. But, we didnt talk about it, we just cried on the phone together. Then being us, we started laughing and joking around about other things.

Yesterday when I got the news, my heart broke. It was not the outcome I prayed for. It had happened way faster than it was supposed to. Why is there never enough time to prepare? I'm not sure there is ever enough time to prepare for tragedy in life.

Our text messages we exchanged yesterday is the good in all this bad. It went like this:

Me: How are you holding up?
Ryann: This sucks so bad. It's an awful dream. I cannot believe this happened. I am blank...
Me: I wish we had answers. The hardest test of our God is waiting to find understanding in His plan.
Ryann: I HATE cancer. AH!
Me: I know, me too. It steals from the people we love the most. Screw it, its okay to be mad at cancer. We will still fight for a cure.
Ryann: Yes and pray. Everyday.

*This is good. Why? you might ask. Whats so good about this situation? This pain? I see it so clearly, even when cancer (the devil) takes away from us...we will still STAND and FIGHT for a cure. We PRAY for a cure. For the first time, Ryann and I were able to vocalize to each other how much we truly hated cancer. It's okay to be mad sometimes. But, the most important part, is that we keep fighting and praying. Cancer holds NO judgements on people it will affect. No matter what color, age, race, social status, no matter how much money you have or don't have. Cancer doesn't care.

I choose to pray over everything. God is so much bigger than cancer. His will takes precedent over this disease. Until there is a cure, I will attend every cancer fighting function, event, race, etc that I can to FIGHT it.

*Many prayers, love and blessings being sent to the Payne family. I love you all~

Happiness in pics-

2011-10-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Luke dancin'...I love to dance all around the house at any given moment. Justin loves to dance on Sundays when we are cleaning. He will just grab my hand and we will 2 step our way around our home. Dirty, smelling like cleaner and all. Luke was born a dancer..and dances all the time! Furniture gets moved all around to give him a "dance floor". Right now, he is very much into fast beat, music. He loves 2 cd's that he always wants to listen to. Hoppin' Sunday School Songs and Now thats what I call music 39. (w/ some Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Hot Chelle Rae)

Taking a break to love on Jaclyn. Besides us, Luke is about the only other person who this dog will allow to touch her, play with her, etc. She's half heeler and very few people are in her "circle" lol. But, she loves her Luke and will put up with his shenanigans daily.

Back to dancin'

Last weekend, we celebrated a good friends birthday! Micah is a halloween baby so it was fitting to have a costume party for this guy. We had a small group of our close friends in NM over for some drinks and good food. It was such a beautiful NM evening, we spent a lot of time outside by the firepit, telling stories, talking Tech football, Rangers baseball, etc. Good times!

My little sister in law. She hosted such a fun evening :))

My hippy guy! He was so funny in character lol. Justin really is such a fun guy, he is just so quiet most people don't realize how funny he is. He had us all laughing the whole night. I think he was a hippy in a dream before or something lol

(Pics are out of order??) Luke & his best friend...Jeter Boy~

My siblings in law...As you can see, Tam & Keith went as Joe Dirt & 80s chick. I love costume parties :)) I wish I had more pictures of the night and all the costumes. I am bad about having my camera unless Luke is around. 2 of our funny friends went as Dumb & Dumber. They were hilarious with their orange & blue tuxes and top hats.

Because of recent events in my life, my families and friends, I am taking steps back everyday to enjoy the things that make me happy. I really work hard on not getting too anxious or "controlling". Everything is not going to be perfect all the time. But remembering to DANCE or DRESS UP and be silly with your friends...those are the little things that I can control.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-19T15:22:00.001-07:00

2 weekends ago, my mom & sister flew into Lubbock to visit. We love love loveeee when family comes in to visit us in Lubbock. Its nice to be able to all go out and take Luke to do fun things. Always good memories for him and us! We spent the morning at the Pumpkin Patch. We took a hayride out into the pumpkin patch, picked out 2 pumpkins for the house, ate corn on the cob, Luke shot the corn cannon a few (many) times...it was just all around a good time.

Captain America!

2011-10-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you Nana for my Captain America Halloween Costume!

Heavy heart...

2011-10-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

Lately, life has been a reminder to love our family, friends, ourselves and God.

Through previous post, I talked about the loss of a young mother, friend, wife...Lindsay. 28 years old and passed away from double pneumonia & ARDS. Heartbreaking.

Yesterday, a young girl from my high school, dropped her 5 month old son off at daycare and he passed away. (they are thinking SIDS at this point?)

I know a couple of people who are really close to me, that I love dearly, who are fighting aggressive, life changing cancers.

My heart has spent a lot of time in prayer with a heavy heart for the hurt I see around me. It's times like this that I fight anxiety the most. The understanding that anything can change at any time, people I love hurt and I cannot fix it...there are so many "what ifs" that go through my mind. I am working really hard at taking that anxiety and loss of sleep and put it into a calm, trust God mood. Reading my bible, holding Luke, working out, talking to Justin, enjoying every moment I can...my goals to get through this time of having such a heavy heart.

Quote

2011-10-17T06:33:00.001-07:00

Preview of Family Pics!

2011-10-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Paige Walker, a friend & sorority sister from Texas Tech did some family pictures for us! It meant so much to me and my sister to have these images captured. She is extremely talented, chill, fun to hang out with. Her website http://www.paigewalkerphotography.com.

Here is a preview of some of the pictures!

Her website says: Life is about Remembering.

This is so true. Our family has been through a lot, especially over the past couple of years. For us, life is about remembering: the good times, the struggles, our strengths, the blessings God gives us daily, the love our Lord has for us and about remembering to live each day. I have never had a picture session that was actually "fun". My sister loved seeing Paige. She has always adored her and there was nothing better for her than talking about their "dallas dating show" ;)! Luke loved running through the junk yard...J is quiet but he is a country boy so he was in his element. Me, I was just taking the evening in!

Thank you Paige! :)

2011-10-14T14:08:00.001-07:00

I know I am a little behind, but I recently have become addicted to pinterest! It's so much fun. I have been looking for DIY crafts to do w/Luke at home. Today, we did "pumpkin tea lights" out of glass jars. Total cost was $3.15. Total fun= 100%! Luke & I had so much fun making these. They are not perfect, but I love them anyways :)

Now, we just add little tea lights and set them outside on Halloween!

Air Balloons~

2011-10-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Lubbock Hot Air Balloon Festival

Luke & Texas Tech Football

2011-09-29T07:35:00.001-07:00

Guns Up!

Understanding God's Plan?!

2011-09-28T15:19:00.001-07:00

I realized 2 years ago, this past saturday, that sometimes there is no understanding Gods plan. We must rely on FAITH to keep us moving in trials, bad times, heart ache, discomfort and pain.

Hebrews 11:1
"...Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

This verse has become my life house for struggling with hard times. It is so hard to not be in control of our life and to give that up to our Father. If we even try to understand everything we have been through, everything we are going through and everything we will go through, we will not be successful in that attempt. I have come to realize, that only God knows, and we have to wait- yes wait- patiently or impatiently until the day we have our "talk" with our God.

Hebrews 12:28-29
"..since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire"

Learning to be thankful during the most trying times, for me, is an extremely hard lesson. 2 years ago, I had to learn that. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer 24 short months ago, my biggest struggle has been to live in the moment. To thank God for the trials and tribulations I have had to watch my sister and family go through. It has not been easy. Hebrews has become my favorite book in the Bible. Basically, because blind faith has had to lead myself and my family.

This past saturday was a very bittersweet day. My sister and family were celebrating Tamara's 2 years of LIVING life. Myself , my friends & sorority sisters were mourning the loss of a pledge sister and friend. When I look at our pledge picture, all I see are angels. Beautiful angels, dressed in white formals, who were preparing for a year of college life, sorority life, friendships, etc. Girls who would stand in eachothers weddings, be there for the births of each others children, celebrate many birthdays. I would not have ever imagined that day we would be saying goodbye to a friend 10 years later. Almost exactly to the day, 10 years later.

Lindsay was a sweetheart. There is nothing negative you could even say about a girl who was so positive. She had a beautiful outlook on life, a strong foundation in God. Like many people have said, I have never heard her say anything bad about anybody, she was always sweet, always ready to have a good time, always fun to talk to and be around. I have been guilty of questioning God a time or two about her death. No, it is not understandable. A beautiful mom, loving wife, great friend..why God?? I have thought that same thing about my sister, why her? Why does she have this struggle? Beautiful they both are, sweet, kind, loving of their Lord. When I look at it in that prospective it makes perfect sense. They were His creation, they were here on Earth as a loan from Him to us. Their bodies, hearts, life, they all belong to our Father.

I have been reading through the many emaisl, fb messaging exchanges, chats etc between Lindsay and I. Every message she talks about how much she loves her boys. Being moms, it has always fun to share your mommy stories with other mommies. Especially when your kids are close in age! I cried many tears when I read the ones where she is sending bible verses and encouraging words to keep me going in hard times. The diagnosis of my sister, miscarriages, little messages when Luke would get sick from just a cold. She was so darn positive, inspiring...and loving.

Through every trial, I always try to reflect on what God wants me to see in his plans. I have to take something with me from each experience. 1 thing both my sister and Lindsay had in common, was their ability to stay positive in every situation. I am taking that valuable lesson with me and looking into ways I can learn from that. To keep my Faith in Christ through everything, to smile and just be so thankful and happy. To always try to find the good in all aspects of life. I have dove into my bible to get support from His word to make these changes in my life. That is my way of honoring Lindsay. That is my way of living in the "moment" with Tamara.

Psalm 17:6-7
"I will call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give an ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand..."

*For those who read my blog, please continue to pray for Lindsay's family and close friends. Her husband, Gabe and her beautiful baby boys.

Future Fireman?!

2011-09-21T09:41:00.001-07:00

Some things just make you smile:)

2011-09-20T14:30:00.001-07:00

Luke & my dad (his Poppi) mowing the grass. I don't know what it is exactly, but this picture just makes me smile every time I look at it:)

Mail

2011-09-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

Luke has been pretty popular lately with the mail! Playing in his bath w/his new bath letters from his T :)

A new game called HISS! Its a fun game, J & I played 2x's with Luke last night.

His Lava Lamp and Hiss from his T!

Great Halloween book from his Aunt Tamara! He lovesss books!

Ohh, and his Lion King movie from his T! This has replaced "time out" for bad choices. Now, we take his movie away. It is far more affective. We have seen far fewer tantrums with the threat of his movie being take away.

Luke is so unbelievably loved by his family!

Red Raider..

2011-08-30T14:31:00.001-07:00

Gah, he is getting so big. Guns Up! Almost football season :)

30..mostly in pics!

2011-08-26T13:00:00.001-07:00

Me & my brother on my birthday party night! We ate dinner then headed out to country dance! It was just my style and I couldn't ask for anything better!

I absolutely adore Mattie and Greg! Good friends!

My neighbor Ginger and her fiancee Brett! Seriously, she is the BEST neighbor anyone could ever ask for. We have keys to eachothers house, we workout together, have evening glasses of wine on the porch. She is wonderful!

2 of my best girl friends! We met when we went to Tech and always have a good time together!

My parents! It was nice to have them there for my birthday. They don't come to Lubbock very often to visit, so it was fun to share my friends and a fun evening out with them.

1 of my very bestest friends in life, Micah! Been so close for almost 10 years! We get season tickets for Tech games, tailgate, take road trips, etc w/this handsome guy!

And, of course, my J! He is amazing. He never ceases to amaze me with his love and devotion to our little family. In the past 10 years, we have been through EVERYTHING under the sun together. We rely on eachother, are there for eachother, do everything for 1 another. He and his family completely spoiled me with gifts for my birthday whether I deserved them or not lol. He knows me better than anyone on this earth and he always goes above and beyond. Even though we do not have a lot of money right now, he made sure to save all year to give me a 30th birthday week to remember!!! A spa day, the sweetest cards ever!, new Tech tailgating chairs, flowers, 2 cakes...the works!!! I love this man..a lot.

This was on my birthday night! Blowing out my candles & I got sprayed lol! Justin and Luke are pranksters! ;)

Strawberry & Chocolate Ice Cream Cake!

My mom and me. She had just flown in from being with my sister in Boise for the past couple of weeks. J was so sweet to treat her to dinner too!

Beautiful flowers from my boys! Luke actually kept a secret this time and didnt tell me the night before. Ha!!!

I feel richly blessed~

To Infinity and Beyond...

2011-08-26T12:40:00.001-07:00

* Last week, I got this tattoo on my right lower/side of my back. It's not a tattoo for "show" as much as it is for meaning. When I was 18, my sister bought me my 1st tattoo. I got an angel on a moon as a reminder to always reach the highest I can for anything I ever want. For my 30th bday, I added to it with "to infinity and beyond". It's a special saying between my sister, Luke and I. Always a reminder our love is to infinity and beyond. (excuse the redness, it was fresh & very new in the picture!)

Life lately..in pics

2011-08-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

An early birthday card from Luke! A can make out the tree, sunshine and black bird in the tree! The rest is his creativity!!! I absolutely love home made cards and I keep all of them in his baby chest.

This past weekend, I had an early birthday celebration with Justin's family in New Mexico! I got a fun new purse, wallet, shoes, chi straightener and a all the fun items to make mimosas on my birthday morning! (My fav!) We had yummy butter cream cake. It was a nice afternoon!

Luke with his great-grandparents at the Hope Lodge in Lubbock. Justins grandpa is battling cancer right now. When they come up from NM, they stay at the Hope Lodge during treatments. It is SO NICE there. Everyone is nice, we go eat dinner often and visit. Luke usually acts a bit silly but the old lil people love little kids. (thank goodness!) They laugh at all his silly antics and of course it keeps him going ;)

While in NM for Justins HS reunion, we took Luke to the county fair/rodeo! We rode rides, played games and ate too much!

Justin & I enjoying a concert by Eli Young Band!

Bucket List

2011-08-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

There are so many "things" I want to do in my lifetime! We decided to start listing them so we can refer to them when we have an opportunity to mark one of the list! Here is a beginning, but, I am sure I will add many more things as life goes on. I have so many fears with movement, heights, etc. After our counseling session last night, I decided, the only way I will ever get over these is to tackle them head on! No regrets!

To start:

- Skydive
- Watch Luke play in the ocean
- See Texas Tech win a National Championship
- Attend a Dallas Cowboys Football game in the new stadium
- Take a trip to Vegas with friends
- Attend a Phantom of the Opera play
- Go on a big shopping spree
- Win the Lottery (wouldn't we all! Ha!)
- Open my own Pre-k Christian Learning Center
- Learn to play the piano
- White water raft w/my sister in Idaho
- Zip line through Costa Rica w/Justin
- Take a nap with my boys on the beach
- Visit the East Coast
- Visit the 7 wonders of the world
- attend an olympic gymnastic event in the summer games
- Learn Italian
- Run a full marathon
- Compete in a triathalon

Just the beginning of many life adventures! ;)

Chocolate Milk Finder...

2011-08-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

This little guy loves his chocolate milk! We only give him 1 cup a day because he would drink nothing but Chocolate milk if we did not limit. Last night he asked for his C M. I told him he already had a cup & I didnt know if we had any left. Luke starts laughing and tells me he will "go check". BUSTED. Yes, we had plenty. As Luke is still laughing and pulling it out of the fridge, he tells me, "momma, i'm Lucas Chocolate Milk Finder Lee White". Yes, we cracked up and he won! He got his chocolate milk. He's a ham! :)

Update on Tamara..

2011-07-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philipians 4:6)

Today, I received a text from my sister with the results of her PET scan. My sister is officially in REMISSION. This is huge for her, for her cancer, for our family. I haven't spoken with anyone yet, so I do not know any other details at this moment. But, the only detail I know is that her cancer isn't currently active and that is the most important detail of all.

I think of all the times I have stood next to my sisters side and heard her story. I think of the celebrations of life we have came home to celebrate with her. I think of the days at the hospital, during chemo, during hospital stays etc. I think of the benefits that have been hosted for her and the races, stair climbs, pineapple classic event. I think of the many of hundreds of times I have sat and watched her I AM SECOND video. I remember the 10 months of training it took to complete a half marathon in her honor. I would look at her picture every morning at 5:15am when my alarm went off. I needed no other motivation than that. More than anything, I think of the hours, days, spent in prayer for her and her life. I remember going to our college sorority house, and begging, pleading with our new, young sorority sisters to attend events in her name, to participate in the Pineapple, to keep her in their prayers, to add her to their prayer list. All of those things were worth every second to hear this wonderful news. It's more than wonderful news, but there are no words that can truly describe what this means for her.

I know my parents are probably feeling a feeling that no words can describe either. I am sure a thousand pounds have been lifted from their shoulders at this news. I can imagine there are smiles and laughs they are all sharing together.

To all my blog readers, thank you for joining me many times in prayer. I know many of you email me and comment me often at how much you think about Tamara. God grants miracles daily, my sister got hers today. It's a very good day for her.

A few of his favorite things...

2011-07-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

Last night Luke had my camera. So, I decided to play a game with him. I told him to take pictures of his "favorite" things and then I would print them out for him. He loves picture books and has a ton thanks to wal-mart. I wasn't to surprised by the toys he picked out to take pictures of. I probably could have guess about 3/4's of them lol. But he loved it and I already have a picture order placed at walmart :)

Jeter-Boy..

2011-07-25T14:08:00.001-07:00

Justin's mom quilted this beautiful blanket for Justin! Right smack in the middle is a picture of his best 4 legged friend..Jeter Boy! True as the saying is, Jeter is his best friend.

Alaskan Salmon

2011-07-25T14:05:00.001-07:00

My brother and dad just came back from a fishing trip to Alaska. My dad sent some salmon. J cooked up with spices, jalepenos , onions and garlic. It was delicious! Luke dove into that...he thought it was awesome that he could eat fish like the bears do lol

...take my hand..we'll be friends forever..

2011-07-25T13:41:00.001-07:00

Me, Brie, Lindsay and Amanda! I met Lindsay & Amanda through wedding events with Brie. I absolutely adore both of them and we always have a good time when we are together!

Mine and Justin's best friends...Wade and Brie

Luke saw this dinosaur statue outside of Cafe J's and it become a must that he take a picture with it lol. His little pose cracks me up!

One of my closest friends, Brie, came & spent the weekend with us in Lubbock this weekend. She is 1 of the most loving people I have ever met in my life. We had a great weekend! I know I have mentioned Brie many times in my blog before. We were both bridesmaids in eachothers weddings. We met 10 years ago when we came to Texas Tech and both rushed Kappa Delta. We have been best friends ever since.

1 of our favorite things to do together is EAT! So of course, we had an evening date to Jazz. Ate Josies burritos at 2am and of course had our ritual sunday brunch at Cafe J's. We do that date everytime she comes to visit! Mimosas and Eggs Benedict. YUM!

I was having a hard time sleeping saturday night, just had a lot on my mind. Brie came, jumped in bed with me, and held my hand. She told me..."Tara you take my hand, we'll be best friend forever. Whatever worry of struggle you have in life, always remember I am here." Then she scratched my back and I fell asleep. Justin and Wade always joke about having to sleep on the couch when Brie & I are together. She is just one of those friends that I can stay up and talk and laugh with all night. Then we play the switch game. I play with her hair, she scratches my back. Sometimes, there are just people that God puts in our life for a really good reason. She is one of those people.

A love like no other...

2011-07-21T09:42:00.001-07:00

I do not know how to write this post without crying, but I will try. Either way, it's okay.

My beautiful sister, Tamara, is my bestest friend in life. We are as close as sisters can get. Literally, we talk on the phone 5 times a day. We skype, facebook chat, etc daily too. And even though she has been living in Dallas, we see eachother every 3 weeks or so. She comes to visit us and we go down there a lot. It means the world to me that she comes and visit often. She puts forth so much effort to be a part of our life and Luke's life. It is a relationship that I will cherish and have cherished my whole life.

Now, on to the bittersweet part...she is moving 25 hours away.

I had to take a moment to wipe my tears and refocus. But, here I am to finish this blog for Luke. With Tamaras health, it has been hard for her to continue news reporting and working long hours. She has to have time to adjust to chemo treatments, resting and sleeping. FOX news in Boise offered her a main anchor position that she could not refuse. She gets to sit at the anchor desk. Which is a plus because it's very hard for her to walk around and carry cameras, mic's etc in field reporting. News reporting is her passion and it is a blessing she was offered this position.

Selfishly, I am sad. But, as a sister, I am happy for her. More happy than words can describe. She was in Lubbock when they fully offered the position with the contract! So, what did we do? We toasted a good CHEERS over margaritas and tacos at Chimy's! It was a great moment to celebrate with her.

My sister has traveled the world! I have spent 2 birthdays with her in Malibu, CA and 1 in Florida. Our family has traveled to Florida to have a great Thanksgiving with her. J and I spent 2 weeks of summer vacation moving her from Colorado and California and made many memories. Through all of those transitions, I was able to cope with the distance. I had valuable time with her at each location and shared many experiences with her. But, all of those were before Luke was born. That changes things. Luke and my sister have a relationship that no words can ever explain. They love eachother, they talk for hours to eachother. Luke is always in a great mood when she is around. She just makes him happy. When we shared the news with him, Luke cried. It broke my heart into a million pieces. He kept saying, "But I will miss her", "I already miss my T". So, Tamara and I decided to have a fun night with him. Her last night here, we took some pics at the big park. We chased ducks, played and laughed. That night, we ate some yummy Spoonful Yogurt. We came home from that and painted some pictures. (will post later) It was a beautiful evening, filled with laughs, happiness and love.

We will see T one more time before she moves. But, it will be a short visit on her way with my mom to Boise. I know Luke and I will have the time to spend a weekend with her in the fall but we will still miss her tremendously. I am so thankful for FOX for giving her an opportunity of a lifetime. I am, also, thankful for SKYPE, Facebook, text messages, chats, etc so we can still spend time talking with her daily like always.

I thank God every single morning for the relationships I have with my 2 siblings. I love them dearly and support them no matter what through every journey of their lives. I know Tamara will do GREAT as lead anchor! I love you T and Joseph!

Just some pics...

2011-07-21T09:36:00.001-07:00

I sure do love summer time with this sweet boy! =)

Update on Tamara...

2011-07-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

“Enjoy the peaks, but never forget the valleys, for there…in those low moments…the most important message is often taught.”

There it is on my calendar: A bright red heart highlighting July 14, 2011. No, I’m not getting married and it’s not the day I’ve finally decided to grow up and act mature. Nope, it’s something else!

For starters, it marks my brother’s birthday (Joseph) whom is one of my best friends in life, so I love sharing special occasions with him. It’s also the day I’ve finally qualified to have a new, state-of-the-start PET scan performed on my body (not to be confused with a CT Scan, X-Ray or MRI). Basically, they let animals loose to search all over your body (okay, I’m kidding, but that sounds cooler)! Anyway, a PET (positron emission tomography) scan is nuclear medicine; there are many different kinds of them, but the one I’m eligible for just arrived to the hospital, straight from NASA!

I emphasis qualified because this specific PET scan is simply not available to the average cancer patient. One must have completed two years of chemotherapy without success and THEN sit on a waiting list. Now, you can only imagine how grueling this must’ve been. “Geez, why is this taking so long?” I’d occasionally ponder. However, for the most part, I could careless because other pressing matters awaited and needed my time (Mavs playoffs, The Bachelorette and pedicures).

Until that fateful day arrived.

There I was, curled up, reading Luke the critically-acclaimed book “Bears In Underwear” – when my oncologist called with the amazing news: I, yes Tamara Metcalfe, (my doctor refuses to refer to me by my television because he says this is serious business), was accepted!

A short time later I arrived in his office! Dr. Houston Holmes was so joyful to share my acceptance, so I hugged him, screamed “Oh my gaw, how fun!” and then in my Apollo 13 voice squealed: “Houston, we have a good problem” and winked before leaving.

However, this was far from over! I was inexperienced on what this all meant, but wouldn’t dare let the doctor know I’m PET scan clueless! I’m a journalist; we know everything (duh)!

Therefore, like a top-secret spy, I quickly left and phoned the world renowned cancer researcher…Dr. Google…learning, indeed, this is a special day.

*************

All kidding aside, my family is really excited about Thursday, and I always want to share the news with all of you. So many of you have been along with me this entire journey, and it’s only fitting that I allow you to enjoy the momentous occasions, too!

The fact that I’m even free to open up and share these things is a process in itself for an extremely guarded person like me. I worked hard for my career, but suddenly found people looking at me with pity and sadness, like the ‘sickly cancer patient.’ I’d hear the whispers to my sister and mom everywhere we went: “How is she doing? Is she really okay?” Career-wise, directors and producers would ask my agent: “Is she still healthy enough to do this?” Privately, it really hurt me. Therefore, in the last few months, I quit doing interviews, chose not to provide everyone with all the details of my battle and turned down offers to blog and write about my journey. But then after watching 18-year kidnap victim Jaycee Dugard the other night, my soul was reignited when she said: “Survival is your strength, not your shame.” What a great message.

In September it will be the two-year mark since my diagnosis and one I celebrate. Although I’ve yet to reach remission, I’m extremely thankful that God has given me this platform of cancer and I live each day as if I’m perfectly healthy.

The disease is not pretty; however, it’s the best thing to ever happen to me and I mean it. Think of all the doors it’s open: for starters, I get to share my testimony of God’s unfailing love on an international platform with I Am Second. I literally get dozens of E-mails every single week from people across the country that have been recently diagnosed, watched my film and want to know how they can feel that same joy. It’s not about me. The joy only comes from the Lord and that’s when I get to share the amazing power of our Father. People can take away your happiness; however, no one can steal your joy because it comes from Above.

I also meet many survivors on a daily basis, some of them older, most of them children, whom have become like family to me. Those relationships would have never blossomed if not for this disease. Finally, my family and friends are closer than ever; we have an unmatched bond that allows us to celebrate life all throughout the year. Our conversations no longer surround petty, material things that society glorifies like money, fame and partying (except for occasional ‘Hold on Playa’ moments). Instead, we rally together, serve and just love people – year around, every single day.

My family and friends text each other about upcoming benefits or excitedly share a really touching church message that we just heard. We plan events and parties; not to go out and drink or eat dinner. We want our actions and tongues to have purpose and glorify God. Most of the time, we celebrate amazing people and stories we’ve witnessed along the way! I say this not to brag, but to also remind myself that life is much more fun when we rejoice! Live each day like you’re riding a rollercoaster, with your hands held up high, shouting at the top of your lungs as you anticipate the next turn! Enjoy the peaks, but never forget the valleys, for there…in those low moments…the most important message is often taught.

*************

Sorry, I had an Oprah moment…
anyway, back to the PET scan and why it’s vital. I’ll make it simple so you’re not bored (plus, if you’re still reading, you’re probably thinking: Geez, hurry up already)!

There are many different blood cancers: (lymphomas, leukemia, myeloma, etc). Within each blood cancer are different diseases. For instance, lymphoma: Hodgkin’s disease, Non-Hodgkin’s, etc. THEN, each disease is broken down even further. Get this...Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, alone, has 30 different types! Well, well....wouldn’t it figure, of them all...I have the incurable version (but cured in my heart)!
Dear Jesus: When I was 5 and said my biggest fear was "to be normal in life"...this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Thanks, Tam. LOL just kidding.

Doctors know (based on science) I’ll never technically go in remission; therefore, we attack my cancer to prolong my life. They know (statistically, by science) that it grows slowly and will eventually sneak up on me and attack like Japan did at Pearl Harbor. This usually happens in 0-5 years. Think of weeds in a garden; they sprout up and you spray them with poison (chemo). However, one day you come out and dadgumit, - those things got out of control and all over the yard! It’s the same concept.

So, you’re in a bind because you don’t know where you are in that time period. Some people wake up and wonder if it’s six months away or six years. This is where a PET scan comes in. CT scans look at your body as a whole and determine where the cancer has landed. Think of that scan like a helicopter surveying from above. My cancer is on both sides of my diaphragm and from head to toe. It’s also reached the bone marrow. Stay with me here…Well, A PET scan gets down on the molecular level. It gets right into a cancer cell and can look at the nuclear material inside. Some PET scans can tell you some pretty interesting things; those are the Scottie Pippens. However, my scan has some swag and doesn’t play around. It’s the Michael Jordan and Dirk Nowitizki of X-rays!

It will allow the physicians to predict when the Japanese will attack; until then, I can enjoy my days in paradise. This will give me a nice timeframe to prepare for my bone marrow transplant and upcoming treatments (I’ve already completed 20 rounds). It’s like coach coming in with a game plan - instead of going with a no-huddle offense! The days of just tossing the ball, hoping to score…are over. We don’t play. We’re going in with the West Coast Offense set scheme: short, quick passes, using all five eligible receivers, forcing tighter coverage…to annoy the defense into foolishness. Watch out cancer. We might set up you up for a short-pass or break tackle for a long gain…but don’t worry…we’re gonna gain!

Oops, sorry for the Vince Lombardi moment…moving on…

So there you have it, I’m super-excited! Granted, I have to lie still for three hours inside a machine without moving and that’s a problem in itself for a hyperactive person. However, I’m sure I’ll find a way to accomplish it, just like I figured out how to get an oil change without Dad last week.

Well, shoot, come to think of it... Mom did just provide me with some breaking news that will take up some of the daydreaming time. Apparently, The Bachelor has started a poll for the public to decide who the next bachelor should be! Eek! So excited…got lots of decisions to make inside the NASA nuclear X-ray!

Thank you for the prayers. To Mom, Dad, Tara, Joseph Justin and Lucas – you’re my world. I love you more than you'll ever know.
Holly, Stephanie, Sarah, Abby, Carly, Tracy Dodd, Erin Tracy Magers, and Kojo - My All-Pro Team. You each inspire me to never quit. I love you eternally.

Tam

Mini-Vacation in pictures...

2011-07-08T13:32:00.001-07:00

Visiting and swimming with my best friend from home, Bree.

Taking a trip to the zoo. Luke loved feeding the giraffes!

Swimming with Daddy in Nanny&Poppys pool!

We had a short, quick mini trip to DFW. Justin was happy to have a few extra days off work to play with Luke. We were low key, chill and relaxed. Spent lots of time with the family. Cooked out with my grandparents. The guys just got back from their Alaskan fishing trip so we chowed down on lots of salmon! (Yum!) Saw some friends, took Luke to the zoo and Hurricane Harbor. Swam at my parents...a LOT. Spent the night at a nice hotel just for fun! Most importantly, no make up, hair fixing, getting dressed lol. It was a nice mini vacation!

I love you bigger...

2011-07-08T12:37:00.001-07:00

The news this week has been heart wrenching. I cannot even count how many times I have held Luke and told him I love you so much. To which he always tells me, "I love you bigger mommy."

He has no idea what or why I feel the need to give him a few extra hugs this week, but he always gladly accepts all the "lovings". Too many kisses and he starts growling at me and wiping them off. As for me, I am just thankful I can hear him growl at me.

This week, the news stories were heart breaking. My sister is a news reporter, so of course I have CNN on every chance I can get.

Story 1) Shannon Stone. The brave father, who was trying to catch a foul ball for his 6 year old son at the Ballpark in Arlington dies with his son watching. I cannot even imagine what their family is going through. What his son will remember from that day. I just pray and pray. I have spent so much time in prayer over this family. My stomach hurts. Literally. This story seemed so unreal. So fast, a father just gone. In a split second, his son lost his dad. Luke, you may not understand this until you are a parent, but I know every parent that has watched this story hugs their child. God only knows why such tragedy happens in life. I will continue to pray and be thankful that my dad never was hurt in his hundreds of attempts to catch balls for us at the Rangers game. That image is something I have seen mannny of times growing up. Dads have their gloves all ready to catch balls in the stands for their children. Being their "heros". Crazy how fast tragedy can strike.

story 2) Casey Anthony trial. I have many feelings about this. I struggle with the negative vs positive feelings a lot. But, all I know is, Caylee is with Jesus. Gods plan for their life outweighs our own personal feelings. I admit to being one of those people who have been following this story since day 1. Luke was only 2 months old when Caylee went "missing". I remember even then looking at him and wondering "why is that happening"? Well, apparently, we will never know why. I have just given that situation to God and allowed myself to have peace over it. I will share an excellent article my sister wrote over it soon.

Working out and praying has helped relieve some of the sadness for me. I am the type of person who hurts for other people. I tend to get vocal when I see children are being treated unfairly. I always try to balance and center myself in these situations so it does not consume me. If I don't, I will start loosing sleep and weight. I have no idea why I am like that, but I have learned to accept it and found ways to balance that. For me & Justin, we just try everyday to make sure our son knows how much we love him. No regrets!

Best Neighbor Ever.

2011-06-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Weekend to the BEST neighbor ever! Lots of cake, food, dancing and laughs!!!

Cousins

2011-06-23T06:21:00.001-07:00

Miss Jaycee Barr, Lukes 2nd cousin!

We don't have any 1st cousins (yet) but, Luke gets lots of love time in with his 2nd cousin in NM. He was scared of her when she was a newborn, but now that she is getting bigger he likes to shake rattles for her, kiss her head and hold her. He sings "twinkle little star" to her and "jesus loves the little children". Its so sweet!

Now, onto other BIG news for our family!

Awhile ago, I was completely invested and interested in adoption of a child. Altho, we still are considering that in our family plans, we are in the process of having a second child and then later down the road, re-hash our adoption plans. It is something we have spent hours in prayer over and we are so confident in that decision and allowing God to lead us. BUT, God has also opened other doors of adoption for our family. My sister in law, Tamara and her husband Keith, are in the process of adopting!!!! Our whole family is excited for her and praying for her. We are so blessed, as I have said many times before, that my family and Justins family love and support eachother. Even though my family all lives in the DFW metroplex, and J's family all lives in NM, there is constant support and love from both sides for each other. We are thrilled, excited, happy, all those fun words for her!!!! They have their 1st home study appointment tomorrow morning. Tamara and Keith have wanted to be parents for so long, and we are thrilled God showed His grace in the ways of adoption to them. They will be wonderful parents to any child God blesses them to be parents to. We pray for a smooth and peaceful process for their family!

Packing

2011-06-23T06:08:00.000-07:00

Busy Busy Busy...Summer Time is oh so busy!

The White family is so busy, I feel the days are just speeding by. I am so ready for our week long vacation next week. Floating the river, taking Luke to Hurricane Harbor & Six Flags, swimming and cookouts with the family, and naps sound so good right now. But, for all that, it means I have to PACK! We will be traveling a lot during our vacation, so we have a lot of packing to do. With summer visitors, gym tots class, swimming lessons, working around the house, training for another marathon, and being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc...I am exhausted by 9pm everyday lol. In truth, I love it though! I couldn't imagine life any differently!

Summer concerts!

2011-06-21T14:35:00.001-07:00

While Luke was enjoying an air conditioned Vacation bible school class, Justin, Katy and I were melting in the heat at a summer concert. (Literally)

I love summertime concerts! I love being outdoors period. So, we had to jump all over the chance to attend the 1st annual JAB fest! Lots of Texas Country, lots of dancing and lots of sweat. We braved the 106 temps for an evening of fun! It might have been just a little bit too hot, but by the time Josh Abbott took the stage it was almost 11pm and finally started cooling off. It was a great concert series!!!!

Happiness

2011-06-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Romans 12:1-2
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I am truly happy. I am taking this moment to blog. I want to remind myself at how wonderful it is to be a Christian. There are many hardships and struggles in life. I know for myself, my family, friends, etc. Hard times are never out of our reach. Praise God, though, that we have a place to seek guidance, understanding and peace. Studying Gods word has changed my life for the better. I no longer dwell in the bad, but live for the good. I know the ONLY reason I am this way, is because my life has been submitted to God.

I have always had those "motherly" instincts to my friends and others. I like to take care of people. I get joy out of seeing others happy and helping them. Being this way, I just want to take non-followers so many times and shake them. I want to show them how much better a life is having faith in the works of God. I remember the times in my life when I was "lost". I remember that isolation, hurt, confusion, etc. And I now know a life with God. Going through the worst of things with God on my side is still 1 million times better than walking the journey alone.

At the end of the day all we can do is be an example by the way I live my life. I make mistakes everyday, but no one will EVER see me give up. My faith will not fail.

I am just happy! My family is wonderful, God continues to answer prayers. I love life!

Aunt T's visit~

2011-06-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

One week, every other month, Aunt T comes to stay a week for a visit! My sister is my best friend, and I honestly do not know who gets more excited between Luke and I. It is a 6 hour drive, and with all that T has going on in her life, it means so much to us that she takes time to hang with Luke and make many memories.

This trip, we were busy with summer time fun!!! We spent the day at the local water park.

We laughed at Luke during gymnastics...

We dressed Luke and Tony up as Dirk and JJ after the BIG MAVS CHAMPIONSHIP WIN!

We shared pride for our Luke during his swim lessons...

And we played outside a lot!

We look forward to next visit with T! We love you!

Library Loot

2011-06-13T15:23:00.001-07:00

Apparently, I have missed out on the whole "Library" and how fantastic it is to have a membership to one. Sure, I have been to the local city library a few times for a certain event or class, but I had no idea how AWESOME it is!

Tamara and I took Luke today! We had so much fun spending our afternoon picking out books. Get this..you can rent up to 50..yes 50 books at 1 time! Not that I ever would, but I am going to quit spending so much money buying Jodi Picoult books and just start renting them! I also have had the Ronald Reagan and George Bush books on my "buy" list for awhile. Hello, why? They are free to read at the local library. The same library that is 2 blocks from our house. That took us a whole 3 minutes to drive too. I have always been a reader. I love Nicholas Sparks and Jodi Picoult. Justin and I both love biographies and history books. I am so excited!!!!! I wish I was not so naive and learned about the fun things at the library before. They have kids plays, lots of educational dvd's and regular movies too. Sorry Redbox, I will be checking out my FREE movies from now on at the library! =)

Besides these books, I also got 2 educational movies for Luke. He is currently watching 1 now, loving it! Off to read before swim lessons....

MFFL

2011-06-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Mavs Fan For Life.

That is what I am! I eat, breathe, live basketball. The old James Donaldson and Rolando Blackman's, they are the reason I played basketball. I dreamed my childhood dreams of being the 1st girl to ever play for the Mavs. Well, that dream never happened, but, it definitely motivated me to work hard enough to be an all state basketball player.

Last night, the mood and setting were all perfect for a fun filled game and celebration in our home! My sister has been in town so we were so excited to watch the game together. We have watched...probably in the thousands of sports games together. We have sat in the stands of too many to count Mavs games. Back in the Reunion Arena days and into the new AA center. With pizza, sugar cookies and lots of high 5's , Justin, Luke, Tamara and I watched our Dallas Mavericks win the NBA Championship.

I am still up in the clouds...12 hours later!

Swim Lessons!

2011-06-08T09:40:00.001-07:00

Summer swim lessons have begun! (thanks Nanny!) I hope Luke does as good as he did last night, each time. He absolutely loves being in the water. And he had no problem with the teacher working with him in the deep end. He is taking his Gym class and swim lessons at TEGA gym center. We will be spending lots of time there this summer! Good job Luke!

The Circus came to town...

2011-06-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

The circus came to town and we had a fabulous saturday family day! Luke was so excited about the elephants and the motorcycles. We loaded up on great circus food-- popcorn, cotton candy, candy apples and nachos. We had a blast on our family outing. Barnum and Bailey really puts on a great show!

From: Aunt T

2011-06-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

Yippee! Lucas Lee turned 3!

By Aunt T
Dear Lucas:
You informed us the other day that it’s official – you’re now a “big little boy.” Those were your exact words. At the ripe age 3, you’re very smart; but you’re also hilarious. Your actions and words amaze us on a daily basis! I wish we could record them all, but it’s simply not possible. However, here are some of my favorite moments from the last few months.
When you were little, we had to keep our cell phones on during church because they always called us. The moment we left you at Sunday school, you’d cry and immediately want to see a familiar face. About six months ago, something changed. We dropped you off with the toddlers and nothing happened. As soon as the service ended, we raced to the classroom and snuck up on you; surely something was wrong! But there you were: playing (flirting) with little girls. Your mommy got a little teary-eyed because she realized that you were no longer afraid to be left alone. We thought this was just a fluke and surely you wouldn’t do it the next time! But, we were so wrong! You now LOVE Sunday School and can’t wait to go and see friends and “learn a lesson.” We like to pry you and get all the details out about how you spent the last two hours, but it’s impossible. You give us bits and pieces like: “The purple man burped and I started laughing!” We still don’t know who the ‘Purple Man’ is…but nonetheless, it was funny to you, so we enjoy hearing the story!

You’re very tough and definitely a boy (just like Daddy), but you also have a sensitive side and a phenomenal memory like your Mommy! After church one day, we were riding in the car and you seemed sad. We asked what was wrong and you said: “I don’t know those songs the kids were singing.” It broke our hearts because you have this desire for learning and want to know everything! So, like a good Mommy, yours went home and started teaching you Christian songs! Your favorites are: ‘My God is SO Big, So Strong and So Mighty…” and “Jesus Loves the Little Children…” It’s so cute when you sing them! We often pull up YouTube and teach you other songs. You have this tendency to act like you already know the song by singing the last line of each verse, about a second after it happens. Your Nanny does the same thing!

Luke, from the day you were born we knew you’d be an entertainer! At 3 months, you were playing the keyboard and actually danced to the beat! You have GREAT rhythm. Well, a few months ago (still age 2), we all went to an arts and entertainment fair in Lubbock. Of course, all you wanted to do was jump in the bouncy house, but we wondered through the crowd and found a group of people singing on the microphone. You asked to sing on the microphone and mind you, there were hundreds of people there! We thought there was no way you’d do it. But sure enough, the man handed you the microphone and you sang ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star…” in your sweet, little voice! The crowd erupted in applause! You were amazing!

Speaking of music. Nanny and I took you to Florida to visit some friends and you really enjoy flying. You were so good, which is a huge accomplishment, because the last time I took you flying, you ran up and down the aisles and crawled under seats. Anyway, it was quiet on the plane and you kept saying: ‘We’re about to BLAST off to outer space!’ Everyone on the plane got a kick out of it. It was hilarious…but that’s not the end. It was late at night and most people around us were asleep. You were in the seat between Nanny and me and started singing LOUD. That would be great and all – except your song of choice: “Pants on da ground, pants on da ground…looking like a fool, whicha pants on da ground!” Oops! Who would DARE teach you such a song? That would be your Mommy and me…but you like the song (and so did the people on the plane). J

The age 3 also brought on something else: your first lie. Now, your Mommy likes to keep everything positive on here, but the truth is, when you’re bad it’s kind of funny, too! You’re brutally honest and always tell the truth, even when it’s bad. That’s why the lie was so funny to me! This is how it happened. You were taking a bath at Nanny’s house and I was in there entertaining you. Since Aunt T never disciplines you, you tend to splash and do things you’re not supposed to. You were in an ornery mood that day and started doing just that – splashing me like crazy! You wouldn’t stop so I had to go and seek backup help from Nanny (haha). She came in and asked if you were splashing and you got a pouty look across your face and said: ‘No!’ Nanny pried and pried for you to tell the truth for about 10 minutes and you stuck to your story! Finally, you told her the truth. The whole situation was hilarious because you were not backing down! Of course, we didn’t discipline you, so I’m sure we’ll have more of these moments! LOL!

You have a heart for animals and children. I took you to this outdoor world place where you pretend hunt and shoot animals. You weren’t having it. You said “We don’t hurt animals!” Instead, we put the quarter in and you decided to shoot the trees and house. You also love to feed the fish at Nanny’s and Poppi’s. Each morning you get up and look forward to feeding the “blue and orange fish.” THEN, you ask ALLLLL day long if you can feed them more. Poppi tells you they only eat once a day and you get upset and always say the same thing: “Why? We eat more than one time a day! They’re hungry!”

You already understand the concept of Heaven and who Jesus is. Your parents do a great job of teaching you these things. They prayed over you since the day you were born and now you all say prayers together, always. One night while praying, you got upset and screamed out: “How come I can’t SEE Jesus?!!” Mommy and Daddy told you He’s in your heart, which you can’t see Him, but He always can see you. You understand that and at times will look out the window and say “Hi Jesus and Kandice!” Kandice is our family dog who died. You get that Kandice is in Heaven with God. Also, at Sunday school they teach you a lesson each week. You are like a sponge and LOVE learning lessons. Your first lesson was that “God created everything!” It’s been fun to see your Christian walk play out in front of our very eyes. You’ve always known who was in control.

Some other fun facts about you:
You love, love, love baseball and got a glove for your third birthday. We were all playing baseball and it was your turn to bat. At that moment, you made this mean, serious face and walked up to the plate. We were like ‘what are you doing Lucas?’ and you said: “That’s what the men do on TV! They walk up with a mean face to bat!” You’re very observant because yes, when the Rangers (your favorite team) walk up to the plate, they do look serious.
You got a basketball goal for your birthday and like to play and shoot. The Mavericks are in the NBA Finals and you ask Mommy and Daddy: “Are we going for the blue or white team?” Once they tell you the answer, you’re locked in and love the game.
Mommy’s favorite show is Survivor and she always lets you watch your shows – unless it’s time for Survivor. Then she says: “Luke, play with your toys why Mommy watches her show.” You ask her: “It’s for big people?” When she says yes, you’ll convince and convince Mommy that YOU love Survivor, too! So, you’ll watch it together and while we’re trying to figure out the strategies and who will get voted off…you’re more observant and say insightful things like: “Oh look! A frog!” or “There’s a waterfall!” We can’t help but laugh because you try sooooo hard!
You finally started sleeping in your own bed after Aunt Cindy bought you a life-sized Spiderman doll for your birthday. You cuddle it like it’s a person and like to wrestle with the doll.
Dinosaurs are your favorite animal and you still can’t grasp why you don’t see them walking around. The last time we went to the zoo, you cried to me and said: “Wait! We can’t leave Aunt T because we didn’t see the dinosaurs yet!”
We like to play ‘I Spy’ and you always pick the most obvious thing. You don’t just do colors. You’ll say: “I spy a TV…or I spy a dog.” Haha. Things like that.
Dude, Luke, you eat A LOT! You like fruit above any other food, including sweets. Fruit, fruit, fruit, you’re always eating it! You’re also obsessed with chocolate milk.
When you were little, you HATED having your picture taken. Oh, how things have changed! Now you’re obsessed with us filming you on the phone so that you can watch it back. We call you conceited all the time! Haha! It’s so cute.
You love the water and you’re getting better at swimming. You’ll put your swimmies on and hold on to the edge of the pool, kick your feet and scream: “Look, I’m swimming!” We know it’ll be just a matter of time until you’re a little fish in the water.
For some reason, and we’re not sure where you get this, but every time you let a balloon go in the sky, you say it’s going to “Balloon School.” It’s random but funny.
Body changes: You have a freckle on your lip and a few light ones around your nose. It’s adorable. Also, we noticed for the first time that tiny, blonde leg hairs are starting to grow! You were very stocky growing up, but now you’re leaning out and your little belly is disappearing. We love that belly of yours. It’s so perfect. You’re perfect, Luke.

TotsGym

2011-06-03T06:21:00.001-07:00

For Luke's 3rd birthday, his Aunt T bought him a summer membership to TotsGym. Basically, it is a fun gymnastics class for toddlers. Last night was the 1st class, and Luke loved it. Actually, to say he loved it would be an understatement. He had a blast. He walked right in and didn't skip a beat. Justin and I watched our lil guy from a small room. (most of my pics didnt come out very good. They were all taken from behind a big glass window)

Last night, they stretched. Learned how to do front/back rolls. Swung from the bars, crawled up the bars and flipped over. Jumped on the trampoline. Played in the big foam block hole and ran around like crazy 3 year olds. It was fun for Luke and fun for us to watch as well!!!

Joplin

2011-05-31T14:19:00.001-07:00

Lucas Lee,
In May, one of the worst tornadoes recorded in history hit in Joplin, Missouri. It has been all over the news since the storm. It is a tragedy. Mostly, I love to keep your blog positive and happy. But, I know one day, you will be learning about this storm in class. I want you to know first hand that your Aunt T was there to help. Even through everything your Aunt T has been going through, she never stops helping others. Above, is a picture of her on her trip into Joplin. She took these pictures on this blog during her journey. Our family all believes in the "I am Second" team. It's a team designed to remind everyone that God is first, we are second. Their mission is to spread God's love to everyone and be a witness of him. Aunt T, is on the team. One day when you look back on these pictures, just remember how lucky and thankful we are for everything we have. Love and appreciate all of life. And if we ever face tragedy together, just know that God loves us and protects us still.

Joplin High School. Graduation had just finished before the storm hit.

Driving into Jopling. Tamara texted me and told me she almost threw up. The heartbreak was so severe it made her shake.

I am Second team passing out water to workers and survivors. Lucas, this is what I hope for you as you grow. I hope you are there to help others in a time of need. I want you to be a witness of Gods love in the face of tragedy. I want you to be someone that will donate your time to serve others. You have already started that! You go with mommy&daddy to help volunteer at the South Plains Food Bank, you have attended several charity walks and events. Please continue to do this as you grow.

Baby, I cannot guarantee that life will always be easy. I cannot guarantee you will go without pain. But, I can promise that God and your family will be behind you no matter what.

I love you,
Mommy

Memorial Day Weekend

2011-05-31T05:27:00.001-07:00

A day in the sun~

2011-05-27T12:36:00.001-07:00

I cannot wait for more sunshiney days with Luke this summer!!!

3 year old buddies

2011-05-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

When Lucas was 10 months old, I went back to work briefly. I taught pre-k for a private learning school. Luke was enrolled in the early learning program. That's where Luke met his very 1st friend. lol. But seriously, Tony and his family were the only good thing that came out of that experience ;)

According to Luke's teacher, he and Tony hit it off from the very beginning. They would crawl around and chase each other and play every day together. After 1 year of teaching, we decided I would go back to being at home w/Luke. To keep a story short, Tony's parents and I had lunch after church one Sunday about Tony and by that monday, I was watching him at my house. (They were not happy about his care at the previous center) We were on the same page about watching to teach our children, by letting them explore and learn by play. I dove into the new life change head and heart first. Its been over a year now that I have been watching him in my home and I love it!

There is no possible way I can keep this blog and no make an entry solely dedicated to Tony! He and Luke are so close. They are best buds, partners in crime, toddler testers, etc. lol. I have been so blessed to get to watch them grow and play on a regular basis. We have lots of memories and Lukes picture books are filled with pictures of Tony and Luke. Playing at the Science Spectrum, almost every park in Lubbock, hiking, eating pizza, jumping on the bed, etc...all together with big ol' smiles on their faces!

Luke and Tony,
I hope both of you boys will still be friends when you're 16, 18, 21 years old. You make my day with your "boyish" daily antics! I love how ya'll 2 have your own languages together, which includes a little evil laugh at the end. It's been a blessing to teach both of you many early lessons in life. Some of your favorite things to do together: play trucks in the back yard, make mud and roll around in it like lil piggies, play at the park, eat watermelon (both are fruit lovers!) jump on the bed, & play super-heros. Tony, you are always Spider Man. And Luke, you are always Super Man.

Our family loves you and your family Noah Antonio!

3

2011-05-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

Our little boy is 3 years old! He is an energetic sweet heart!!!!! We love him to pieces and thank God every day for him! We love you Lucas Lee!

I love him...

2011-05-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

Justin and I love this little guy :)

A good day gone bad..

2011-05-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was bit of a difficult day.

As I was cleaning out my purse, I found an appt card. Yesterday, we were supposed to have a sonogram to find out the sex of our baby. It was an instant slap to my face. A kick in the tummy. A heart broken again. I cried for about 10 minutes straight. Not the kind of cry that is controlled. It was like I felt the pain of loosing a baby all over again. An instant reminder of how broken I have been over the past month.

Ironically, I had visited with my good friend, Samantha, the night before. Sam shared a book, "Heaven is for Real".

When I was taking Luke outside to enjoy a beautiful afternoon I saw the book sitting on the kitchen table. I picked it up and outside we went. I had no idea the many messages God was going to share with me through that book. Not knowing anything about the book, I dove into it heart first. I will not ruin the book for anyone who has not read it by sharing the story. But, I will share that many of times throughout the book, I was reminded how God is in control. I was reminded that there is no better place to be in the world than in the hands of the son of God. I have a very strong faith, and I know I will get to see my babies again. ( I have lost 2 babies within the past 4 years.) I have hurt, but I have never questioned God on whether or not my babies were safe. I have always known they were. I choose to believe in our God. I choose to believe I will get to hold our babies again. One day. Until then, I will love and appreciate all that God has blessed me with on this Earth.

While I was cooking dinner, I had another crying time with Justin. While he held me, he reminded me as well, that God loves us even when we feel we are being punished. That His needs for us outweigh our needs for our own self. It's a good reminder to have every once in awhile =)

*In closing, I would completely recommend that book to anyone who has not read it! I laughed and cried my way through it lol. Big messages through 4 year old eyes! I went to bed last night in peace. Partly because of my MAVS win lol...but mostly because of the messages I received from our God yesterday. It's all going to be okay. Life will be okay, if I give up my own needs more often and let God work.

Silly Bath!

2011-05-17T06:52:00.001-07:00

This little fish loves his bath time! =)

Being a MOM

2011-05-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

Coming upon Mothers Day allows me to reflect on what being a mom means to me:
It means:
- getting to be silly, just because
- singing songs and doing dances
- being PROUD in every definition of that word
- Laughing even when you don't want to
- Endless amounts of kisses, hugs and laughs
- Coming up with the most creative ways to eat ;)
- experiencing "life" all over again
- the sweetest prayers prayed nightly
- finding joy in our simple nightly walks around the block
-being okay with not being selfish
- waking up and getting a sweet hug always
- Loving unconditionally
-Being loved unconditionally
- doing more laundry (lol)
- answering 10000 questions daily
- buying clothes and toys because Luke will "love" them
- Big containers of "cheese balls" to eat!
- Falling in love w/Justin everyday while watching him&Luke play
- On a whole new level, enjoying date nights
- Pizza on Friday nights =)
- Knowing God and loving Him even more for His blessing of being a parent
- Roadtrip for family time!
- Thanking God daily for our little miracle

* I hope you all have a very blessed Mothers Day weekend!*
All my love,
Tara

Be inspired to serve God...

2011-04-21T06:47:00.001-07:00

Hey followers,

My sister, Tamara, will be on air today talking about her I Am Second campaign, life with stage 4 cancer and her inspiration to serve God. Despite all obstacles in our life, we know our calling. So proud of Tam for speaking out about it! We should never be afraid to LOVE our God and show that love!

Tune into: GroundedRadio.com at 11:10 (CT)
You can also submit questions to groundedradio.com

Love to you all~

Today...I am thankful for many things

2011-04-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

This morning, I woke up with an over whelming feeling of thanks. I prayed a very long, extensive prayer over the many things I feel thankful for at this moment. I decided to "blog" them, so when I am having a bad moment, I can look back at how blessed we are...

Today, I am thankful for:

Prayer
Warm showers when I need a place to cry
My husbands hugs
Lukes Smile
Love
Friends that filled our home with food, so we didn't have to cook at all for awhile
Friends&Family that filled our home with beautiful flowers that are alive and in full bloom
Hebrews 11:1...a daily reminder of what Faith is
Family
Sweet text messages
Easter! A perfect moment for us to reflect on Jesus' love for us
Making Easter baskets with Luke for his friends
Easter candy =)
Chris Tomlin's and Shane&Shane
100 phone calls to my sister daily
Sunshine
Fresh Flowers
All things innocent and kind
The way Luke dances
Puppies that have 100 kisses on hand at any given time
My J, whose love is unconditional...

Some days are overwhelming, some days are filled with love. We just have to find the little blessings in life to keep us going and confident~

An Early Easter...

2011-04-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

Jeter checking out Luke's eggs =)

Hunting Easter Eggs!

Luke celebrated an early Easter with my his Nana&Papa in NM. We had a fun sunday afternoon. Started with a church pie auction (yum!). Followed with fajitas and an Easter Egg hunt for Luke at my in-laws. It was a beautiful day~

Luke's busy weekend

2011-04-15T14:49:00.001-07:00

Nanny, Aunt T, and Justin took Luke to "kids day" at the civic center. He sang Twinkle Little Star on the karaoke display! I got to see the video, it was adorable!

Daddy helping Luke out with 1 of the craft booths

Nanny and Aunt T took Luke to see Sesame Street Live at the United Spirit Arena! He has talked about it all day everyday since =)

Nanny & Luke

Tamara walked with the KD's as their "hero" at the Relay for Life. Posing with 1 of the current KD's...

Park play time with Nanny~

In the bounce house at the Relay for Life

J and Luke walked the "survivor lap" with Aunt T at the Relay for Life

Her pride and joy =)

One day at a time...

2011-04-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen--Hebrews 11:1

- Taking one day at a time right now. Spending lots of time, loving on Luke. Thanking God every second of the day for him. Children are all miracles. Being able to have children and raise them is a miracle in itself. I do not know if we will ever be able to carry another child to full term. Although, it hurts, I still praise God daily that we have a child to love and hold.

This week has been rough. I have spent the whole week on lots of pain meds, so it is quite a blur as well. But, I did get some things accomplished. Planned both of Luke's 3rd birthday parties. With the help of my sister, we got all the invites made and mailed. (Thank you Hobby Lobby!) Spent a lot of time loving on Luke. Spent a lot of time in prayer and thankfulness of having Justin and our families.

This weekend, Luke is going to stay in NM with Justins family for a night. Justin thinks it will be good to go out on a date and get a little extra rest. I couldn't agree more. Then, just working in our garden.

We are just moving, a little step at a time. Remembering to put 1 foot in front of another. Because, sometimes, that is all we can do.

Angry for being angry

2011-04-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

For my normal happy, cheerful self, I am not that today. Maybe tomorrow. Everyone in the house is napping, but my mind is racing so much that I need to write to vent.

8 days ago, our life was normal. In the past 8 days, I found myself in the hospital fighting for my life, my baby lost their life, and tomorrow they are surgically removing my baby. I find myself trying to make sense of it all. What just happened? I have no idea still. The pieces of the past week will come to me. Despite everything, I still love our God. I am angry, yes, but understanding. I trust in His plan more than I have ever trusted in anything in my life. With that being said, it does not mean it makes sense to me by any means.

Tomorrow will be a long day. I cannot come to terms yet with everything, but I know I will have to face that tomorrow. With Justin by my side and my family waiting for me at home, I know the Lord has not abandoned me either. I am just so confused, upset, hurt...

My sister is beautiful~

2011-03-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I start my fifth cycle of chemotherapy, 15th total round, on Thursday. I’m very careful to even write this entry because I feel so far removed from the disease. I gave cancer its 15-minutes of fame and I’ve moved forward! I don’t wake up each day and think about my situation nor do I go to bed and pray for my own healing. My focus is always on others because I know God is in control of my life.

That being said…God has such a funny personality!

I used to internally get annoyed when everyone always asked about my travels across the world covering sports and news. I would think to myself: “Talk to me about something else! I’m much more than a reporter!”

Well, that’s what I get (laughs)!

Now, people always want to know how I’m feeling which is greatly appreciated. Through this journey, I’ve learned there are many incredible, loving people in the world and I happen to be surrounded by the best. I still get uncomfortable talking about me, I’d much rather change the subject and hear about others. In fact, it’s probably my biggest struggle through this all. I always want to tell the story, not be the story (laughs)! However, I also humble myself and realize my calling in life is to share my story, reflect the joy of the Lord and show others that just because you have cancer…it doesn’t mean life’s over. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s when you truly start living. After all, who says IV drips can’t make a great accessory?

Since my form of cancer is incurable, I’ll receive this treatment for the rest of my life. I tend to live my life in four-month increments. I go hard the entire time until another cycle rolls around. “Going hard” doesn’t mean just working hard. Nope, I condition my body by working out and condition my mind and spirit by volunteering and serving. Therefore, by the time I walk through the doors of the hospital, it is game time!

The medicine forces me to slow down, sit still for 8-hours at a time and reprioritize my life. I approach each cycle as I do a race: I get focused spiritually and mentally, take in every moment, then fight like a champion for weeks. In the chemo room at the hospital, my chair faces others being treated and often times…I see it in their eyes…you know, the ones whom have lost hope and given up. I take those moments to pick up my IV drip, with needles hooked up throughout my body, and scoot over to visit them. Most are older and have no family there. I do my best to show I care and put a smile across their faces. This is what I mean when I say “take in the moment.”

And then, before I know it, my treatments will be over, another month will pass, and I’ll walk through the doors finished with this cycle. My family believes in celebrating the tiny victories in life, so upon completion, we hang an invisible medal around my neck, recognizing my achievement, our achievement, and then move on to the next stage of life.

***

People often say to me: “Cancer Sucks.” Or they’ll send me shirts that say that. I politely tell them thank you, but I never agree with the statement. By saying “cancer sucks” I’m taking the negative approach to the situation and I refuse to do that. Cancer is not always fair. It’s not always easy. It hurts. But there are also a lot of great things to consider, too. For one, you feel love and support constantly. You witness how friends and family rally around a person and passionately attend events and functions to let you know they care. You get to meet incredible doctors, nurses and researchers whom passionately seek a cure from this disease. Your family develops a bond that you never thought possible. Most importantly, through cancer, you meet other survivors, like youngsters, whom walk this Earth displaying unimaginable courage and hope.

And speaking of a youngster…

A few weeks ago, I was asked by Mansfield Legacy High School to be a part of ‘L.U.C.K Week’ to honor a 10-year-old, Ethan. Just like me, Ethan also has the most-advanced form of cancer. We had an instant bond and shared our scars, hospital stories and moments of triumph. Ethan was an all-star baseball player and superb athlete at that time of diagnosis in June. Now he wears hearing aids, glasses and often times can’t muster up the strength to get around.

You would think a child or healthy young adult like me would drown in the sorrow when faced with our situations. Nope. Not once do we ever complain or allow a negative thought to enter our minds.

Although 21 years separate our lives, Ethan and I get the bigger picture: God is the Ultimate Physician and He knows we’re absolutely perfect and healthy in His eyes! They had a pep rally for Ethan at Legacy and I noticed people kept saying “We know you’ll beat this Ethan!” People say that to me all the time and I try to not allow it to bother me, but it does, especially when said to a child. I know it’s just a figure of speech people use, but the truth is, Ethan and I beat this the moment we decided not to allow cancer to define our lives. The Victory has already been won.

Ethan was baptized last Sunday at church (what an incredible testimony he has)! Monday he went in to the hospital to start immunotherapy. By Tuesday (yesterday), Ethan was in ICU fighting for his life, but praise God that we just received word that he’s stable. Knowing this and the courage Ethan displays gives me strength and hope every moment of the day. Not to mention, we both have incredible families that are eerily similar. Ethan’s sister, Lauren, is his sidekick and emotional partner-in-crime. My sister is the same way. Ethan’s mom is headstrong, loving and a mom-on-a-mission. My mother is exactly that way. Our dads and brothers are the silent warriors whom give us strength on the days we just want to sit still.

And then, there are all of you.

You remind me daily that this journey is not about me. It's about ALL of us. We all face battles. And best of all? There is no greater comfort in knowing we have each other during various seasons, obstacles, triumphs and moments in life. Just as you’re always here for me…I, too, constantly pray and think of you.

***

Last month, I decided to celebrate my birthday by running another half-marathon, this time with my mom at Disney World. Now, my mom is 52-years-old (but still looking good, like she says) and the starting line was dotted with thousands of women half her age. I got really teary-eyed seeing her cross the starting line because I know what it took to get there. My mom struggled with weight issues for many years, yet never gave up, and continued to fight. When she made the decision to get healthy, putting on her shoes was a task. But she did it. Then mom started to walk…and before you know it, she could jog. Therefore, when she told me she wanted to take on the half-marathon adventure, I was thrilled.

You see, it’s not about the finish line. Sometimes in life, mustering up the courage to even try or attempt something takes the most courage. The human body and spirit is capable to do extraordinary things, far more than one could ever imagine, but often times, we’re paralyzed with fear. Don’t be that way. Be bold, otherwise, you might miss out on incredible opportunities.

I tackle my cancer journey like mom approached her mission to get healthy: one step at a time, one day at a time. There are times I walk through cancer, there are times I run and there are times that putting on socks and shoes zaps every ounce of my energy. But I try. I keep moving. I walk up to the starting line of the hospital doors, knowing full well, the task before me is long and grueling. But it’s in these moments I grow the most because I know at the end of it, I feel the greatest sense of victory and accomplishment.

To know me, is to know that I am very cheerful and at peace with my situation. People say to me over and over: “There is no way you’re this happy in life, especially battling this situation.” Well, simply put: I am and it comes from nowhere else but from Above. I have a deep relationship and understanding with Christ (my “Papa) and I actively pursue Him every single moment. How could you not be joyful when your Daddy created the Universe!

***

In closing, Mom and I had the chance to take my nephew Lucas to Disney World during our marathon weekend. The day before our race, he competed in the baby races at ESPN and ran in the 1-to-3-year-old division (he’s 2). There were thousands of youngsters out competing and many heats within Luke’s race. It was a pretty awesome sight to see!

Anyway, in Luke’s division, an adult jogged with the kids, so I was blessed with the opportunity to run with my little man!One of my best friends, Carly, a former college softball standout at Florida State, ran with her nephew, Grayson. We laughed because at the starting line, all the parents were telling their kids how to run, what to do, to win the race. Meanwhile, Carly and I took a different approach and never mentioned the race at all to Luke and Grayson. Instead, we danced and jumped around with our Rugrats while other parents stared at us for being ‘THAT parent who let’s their child run wild!’

When the moment arrived for our 100-meter-race, the boys stepped to the starting line and when the gun went off, we yelled: “Run!”

And just like that, something magical happened: Luke moved his itty-bitty legs, put a smile across his toddler face and took off sprinting like Usain Bolt!

During the 2-minute race, my nephew unknowingly taught me the most inspiring message I’ve ever witnessed in life! From the second we took off with the pack, Luke yelled out loud: “We’re winning! We’re winning!” He repeated it the entire time, despite the fact that we weren’t the first to cross the finish line.

In his precious eyes - we won!

Tears flowed down my face because Luke had it exactly right.

I looked over at Carly and she, too, was teary-eyed, after racing with Grayson.

She’s competed in the College World Series, won many athletic awards during her lifetime and witnessed some pretty incredible things. In fact, many of them, we’ve done together. Carly and I skied the Swiss Alp, slept on hay bales in Ireland and sat along the Rhein River in Germany. Yet, no other moment in our lives, brought us more pride or excitement than watching our boys race. It was their moment. It was our moment.

The boys taught us a greater lesson that we can all learn from:

Although we might not always finish first, get the job we want, battle diseases, lose loved ones, struggle with finances, and fight things that simply aren’t fair -– the truth is – we’re all victorious. That price has been paid. Therefore, until we reach the Ultimate Finish line – Heaven – I encourage all of us to wake up each day joyful, happy, and full of passion because, after all, “We’re Winning! We’re Winning!”

From-- Tamara Jolee Metcalfe

Lately...

2011-03-28T13:02:00.001-07:00

We went to the Spring Tech Game! Luke with the Make-A-Wish Star! (Our Red Raiders look great! I am so excited for football season!)

Celebrating St. Patty's Day!

We've been spending a lot of time outside in the beautiful sunshine playing...

On a couple of really warm days we even got to play on the water mat!

And we've been enjoying lots of cold treats =)

After church picture

2011-03-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

Luke getting a little after church loving!

My in-laws are all amazing, they love Luke so much and they are really fun to be around. Stopping for a little picture~

DisneyWorld

2011-03-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

This past week, Luke went to Florida with my sister and mom. He had a blast. He literally fell asleep last night telling me all his stories from Florida in his eyes!

While in Florida, Luke ran a Disney Race for a Cure for his Aunt T's cancer. We were all so proud of him. And thanks to technology, Justin&I were able to watch his race! They filmed him running his little 2 year old heart out. I am so proud of his confidence, his happiness and his love for his T.

Running so hard! He got a medal too =)

Beach and push pops with his T

Nanny Love~

Even though we missed him so much, we were so happy for his trip. I have never been awake from Luke for a full week, it was so hard. I had dreams the last 3 nights in a row about him. Life was just different. Its hard to believe in just 2 1/2 short years, a child can change your entire life. Justin & I went on dinner dates, watched movies, re-tiled the bathroom (another post soon!), we worked out and we spent a lot of times with our dogs giving them some extra attention and love. And yes, there were a few days where I cried because there was nothing more that I wanted but to hold him.
But, we got through the moments and Luke gained a lot of independence. He has been on a story telling streak every since he got home 24 hours ago!

I am so thankful our family includes him and loves him unconditionally. My sister will take him anywhere and do everything with him. She absolutely loves him to no end and thinks everything is more fun when Luke is around. I feel so blessed for their bond.

Joyful Noise

2011-02-16T06:36:00.001-08:00

Luke's "Aunt T" bought him a semester of music classes from Joyful Noise for Valentines Day! Last night was our first night to attend. It's just a 45 minute little class, but Luke loved every minute of it. He danced, rolled on the floor, played his instruments and sang. Their teacher, Mrs. Gayle, was wonderful. We will all look forward to his class every week!

February 4th Snow day

2011-02-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

Luke's had strep throat this week. He hasn't been too happy about not getting to go play in the snow. We had to brave the ice to take him to the doctor on Tuesday morning. Poor Luke, woke up with a rash on his face, neck and chest. He was running a high fever and very lethargic. After only 2 minutes in the office his results already showed positive for strep. Not fun. He has mostly slept this entire week. Hasn't been eating too much, and just wanted to lay around.

Today, his personality was back to silly Luke. Ready to play! So, I took him outside for a little bit to enjoy the snow!!

* On a side note, I NEVER thought I would see the day where Dallas has more snow than Lubbock! Crazy!

Big D Climb

2011-02-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

Playing at Fountain Place

This 70 year old man competed for his nephew that passed away from blood cancer. He beat our times, he was on a roll going up those stairs. Adorable man with a huge heart!

My sister is my rock. We will find a cure for her cancer, I have complete FAITH

Go Dad!

This past weekend, we participated in the Big D Climb!

It was a lot harder than I expected, and I actually thought about quitting on floor 23. No joke. I would rather run a half marathon anyday than climb stairs. But, we kept going and finished 52 flights of stairs in 17 minutes. My sister and Justin finished in 15 minutes. My dad and I finished in 17minutes. My dad is 52 years old and we are so proud of him for competing! He did great!! This event was another mark I can add in my life journey of events that I will not forget. 900 people came out and climbed in support of finding a cure for blood cancers. After the climb, we enjoyed a wonderful meal at Joe's crab shack and then we were all asleep for a good 3 hr nap!

Post by: Tamara "Aunt T"

2011-01-26T05:26:00.001-08:00

"God lent us an angel, a gift from Heaven above. You are absolutely perfect our handsome little prince."

Every time I visit Lubbock, the same scenario unfolds the moment I leave.

I can hear Luke crying through the door of my sister’s house because his little toddler heart doesn’t understand why we have to be separated yet again. By the time I load my luggage in the car, I can hear his infectious laughter return and that’s when my tears start flowing.

It takes every fiber in my body not to race back into the house, pick him up and start watching Ninja Turtles again. Lucas is, by every means, my best friend.

To understand our bond, one would have to know the full scope of the story, from beginning to end. In Luke’s 31 months of life, there’s been more emotion and drama packed into his toddler life…than most people endure during a lifetime.

Lucas was a sick baby and the simple task of drinking milk, his only form of nourishment, required strength. Seldom would it stay down. Within months upon entering the world, there baby Lucas was, lying in the hospital, fighting for his life. But, by no surprise at all, he found a way to persevere and pull through. He was a Fighter; a Survivor.

A little over a year later, in September 2009, it was Lucas who taught me how to combat my own battle.

He was visiting me at home after the start of my chemotherapy treatments and there I lay…motionless on the bed, tears running down my cheeks from long bouts of vomiting, pain radiating through my entire body. Just when I thought life couldn’t get worse…God intervened and orchestrated the perfect moment that redefined how I view life.

Dancing With the Stars was playing in the background and Tara walked in my room with Lucas in her arms and she gently set him on my bed. In normal instances, Luke would bounce up and down while bopping me across the head with a pillow. Yet, this moment was different. He looked at me and could see the pain in my eyes. That’s when he curled up next to me, smiled, and fluttered his long eyelashes. Lucas couldn’t speak sentences…yet, he communicated a decade of his wisdom as his tiny hands caressed my cheeks.

It was then that I learned a valuable lesson: medicine can only get you so far when battling cancer…but, a smile, cheerful heart and meaningful purpose in life is what sustains. Luke’s spirit and zest for life makes me want to live my life through his eyes. I see the world in an entirely different light: weeds are actually beautiful flowers; maybe the moon really is close enough to touch; and perhaps, just perhaps, baby dinosaurs really are walking around Lubbock.

******

When I spend the night with Tara and Justin, we have the same routine. In the mornings, one of them places him in my arms because he’s not quite ready to wake up. Or, he pretends to still be sleepy. Really, I think it’s just his opportunity to pester me without repercussion because he knows Aunt T won’t discipline him. (laughs). In all seriousness, it’s my favorite time with him because Luke will stretch his tiny arms in the sky, let out a itty bitty yawn, and then ask me to hold him. He’s growing at an alarming rate…but it’s moments like this, that I’m reminded he’s still a baby (or ‘big boy’ as he says)!

The other morning Lucas asked me to rub his legs “because they were hurting all night.” I was sad for him…but sad for us, too. The truth is…he’s experiencing growing pains because baby Lucas is growing up before our very eyes. The same infant who couldn’t hold down milk is now gulping (and loudly) water bottles full of liquid. Tara says it all the time – but I agree. Toddlerhood is the best age because you get a mix of both worlds. You watch this tiny little caterpillar evolve into a stunning butterfly whom is ready to fly…but with the support of mommy and daddy. Before we know it…it’ll be time for soccer…and then kindergarten. Until then, we’ll live in the moment…and cherish watching the same annoying cartoons over and over since it’s what makes him happy; laugh at every outlandish temper tantrum; and wake up each morning with a smile on our face…just because Lucas does.

I have so many fun(ny) Luke stories from the past week and I’ll share them in another entry. But, I thought I’d leave you with one of my favorites.

A few months ago Luke freaked out because “he had white on his fingernails!!!” The nail bed had slightly grown out before Tara had a chance to clip them and he discovered that the tip of his nails turned white. Well, on Sunday, while lying in bed, he realized that the palms of his chubby hands are indented with lines. Puzzled, he asked me: “Aunt T, what are these lines?” I showed him that I, too, have them and that Jesus put them there to remind us daily of our future.

“The lines,” I said, while picking up his palm, “Tell your future. It says Jesus will always love you!”

A grin crossed his face. “I can tell your future, too!!” Luke exclaimed, while grabbing my hand! “It says…Santa Claus will always love you!”

Sunday Afternoon~

2011-01-24T08:48:00.001-08:00

Jeter!

Jaclyn!

Spending an afternoon being a boy~!

31 months

2011-01-07T07:43:00.001-08:00

I feel like Luke is growing every day right now. He is a sponge, just soaking life in. He is so much fun, I absolutely love being his mommy.

Right now, Luke has some cute phrases. The kind that other people may not think is so cute, but to me, it just makes me smile. Phrases like, "mommy, where you going (go-neen)" or "I'm only your baby, i a big boy everywhere else" and " i gonna kiss (keesy) you better run". By kissing, he means lick in the instance. Lol.

At 31 months, I can almost guarantee Luke will be an athlete. All he ever wants to do is play soccer outside, play catch with balls inside the house, or run. He is an energizer bunny, he will run circles through the house kicking balls and throwing them at me each time he passes. I love when he plays this game at night time, because he will almost fall over and pass out asleep after lap number 8! He loves watching football and basketball on tv. LOVES it, no matter who is playing, he always yells go "Red Raiders" lol. My whole family are athletes so of course, it makes me realllly happy to see him take an interest in sporting activities already.

Other things Luke's into: Batman, Mickey Mouse, Big Trucks, driving his Jeep, riding his bike,taking nightly walks, drinking hot chocolate, taking color (color fizz) baths, helping his daddy make fires and helping me wash dishes.

Lucas Lee , you are such a sweet boy. I love how you hold&rub my face in the morning, I love your kisses, the sound of your laugh goes straight to my heart. Mostly, I love that I call you mine :)

Our Christmas Party with Friends~

2010-12-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

God has truly blessed us with so many wonderful friends. We love them and are so grateful to share a fun night of pizza, brownies, cupcakes and lots of laughter and love with them this Holiday Season~

Tanya has been 1 of my closest friends for 9 years...she was my "big sister" in our sorority and we have remained friends for so long. I adore her and her sweet family. Her daughter, Theia, is one of the sweetest baby girls I have ever met. So calm, happy and full of love!

Daddy and Luke opening presents. All the kids exchanged gifts together

Tony is Lukes very best friend. These two are silly sillyyyy together, but they get along so well. Our families always have fun together!

This age...

2010-12-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

I know I have said this before, but really, I LOVE the age Luke is at right now! I really do. I like how everyday is a new adventure. Luke has recently become friends with Doobie. Doobie is his "imaginary" friend dog. He comes out every once in awhile and Luke always lets you know. We spend time playing "catch" and "petting" his ears and tail. Its funny to Justin and I because Luke has 2 dogs that he always says are his best friend. I don't know a lot about imaginary friends, but all the research I have done says its "normal" and shows a creative side to a child. Luke is a very creative boy so that makes sense to us. He has always had an imagination and we have always just gone with it while explaining in his terms whats real and fake.

Anyways, on to this 2 1/2 year old ball of energy! This Christmas has been so much fun already. It's the little things that make him happy and it shows in his big brown eyes and huge smile. He is obsessed with Christmas Lights, music and ornaments. He will take the ornaments off the tree and re-organize it multiple times during the day. He is fascinated with Santa, but does NOT want Santa too close to him. And every night we are singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I explained the best I could in 2 year old language why we celebrate Christmas. He knows its Jesus' birthday and he thinks we are going to eat cake. So, we may have to make that a new tradition for him! I cannot wait to watch Luke grow with every year and every Christmas. But, for now, I am enjoying every precious second of this age =)

Chemo Angel

2010-12-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

Recently, I learned about a fun group called "Chemo Angels". I had a couple of friends become one in honor of my sister, so I looked it up. After reading about it, I signed up instantly. Justin was on board too. Since, it is such a good cause, I thought I would share it on my blog.

Basically, you are assigned a person who is going through chemo. You become their "angel"...a member of their support team. If anyone has dealt with Cancer, you understand how important it is to have a strong support system. Watching my sister go through chemo is hands down 1 of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Every time its chemo time again, I hurt for my sister and she never leaves my thoughts. It makes patients, soooo tired, sick, irritable, they dont sleep well, they have severe night sweats and their appetite changes. What better idea than to be available to someone in need?! I know my sister loves getting notes in the mail from friends, cards and flowers. Its such a small gesture that goes a long way.

As an angel, we write letters of support, occasionally send a little gift basket, etc. My angel is a 35 year old female battling breast cancer. I just sent her christmas stocking in the mail. It included: cookie mix, cookie cutters, an ornament, a magazine, crossword puzzle book and a note from me. It was simple, but i know it means the world to her! We exchange letters weekly of support and bible verses. It takes about 15 minutes out of my day once a week. A perfect opportunity to help out in this world for a busy person!

If you are interested their website is : www.chemoangels.net

Christmas Walk at Vintage Township

2010-12-06T07:14:00.000-08:00

Christmas Lights are the cheapest& best entertainment for a 2 1/2 year old. Luke is obsessed with all the colors. So, it is becoming a nightly "thing" to load up in the car after dinner and go look at lights. Sunday night, we took him to the Vintage Township lights. He really enjoyed walking through the lights and listening to music.
* On a side note, it is getting a little more frustrating for him to wake up everyday and see Christmas presents under the tree. We go through the same daily routine of Luke asking, "Christmas present time?" as he runs to the tree. Its pretty comical the way he shows his pure dislike in his facial expressions. Like I just took his whole world from him lol. I am sure it is torture in his innocent eyes. But so far, no presents have been opened!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Season!

2010-12-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

Luke loves Christmas Lights! After spending an afternoon at the park we put up our lights and our tree! Luke picked out color lights for the house and so we matched our tree with color lights this year! All we have left to do is put up the bush lights~

Buffalo Wallow

2010-11-16T08:55:00.001-08:00

I officially completed my 2nd half-marathon! I competed in the Buffalo Wallow half marathon in Lubbock and it was HARD. The hills were nowhere near as tough as San Francisco's. But, of all the places in Lubbock, I swear to you Buffalo Lake is the only place that has continuous up and down baby hills that are killer on the legs. I did not beat my previous time, in fact, I added 12 minutes to it =(. But, for this race, I was just happy to finish! (In the above picture, I am loosing my legs lol as I cross the finish line. So thankful my lovely husband got this pic of me ha! Sometimes, as soon as I stop my run, my legs go completely numb. Not fun)

Cruising through the 6 mile point

My running partner and neighbor Ginger! She is awesome. I am so lucky to have her as a neighbor and a workout partner. We meet at 5:30am at least 3 days a week to workout and we run our long distances on Sundays. She is a blessing to me in every way =)

An Early Thanksgiving

2010-11-16T06:47:00.000-08:00

*Thanksgiving came early in New Mexico this year! A big majority of my husbands family lives in New Mexico, the rest are scattered out around the country and they travel a lot. Justins uncle is leaving for Afghanistan again in 1 week and his aunt lives in New York and has house in Panama. So she is one busy, traveling lady. So, while everyone was in town, they decided to have an early dinner to celebrate family and being together. It was a good time, and its always fun to see Luke playing with his relatives, working his charm ;)

Luke's 1st Tech Football Game!

2010-11-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

Playing with popcorn is always fun lol

Getting into the game =)

Saturday, we took Luke to his 1st Tech game! It was a special moment for Justin and I lol! Luke had his "guns up" for almost the entire first half. He was very into the band, he loved seeing the "horse" and he got all excited when all the fans started cheering. He had a blast!! Tech came out with the WIN against Missouri and we needed that boost of confidence for our Red Raiders. It has been a tough season, but our guys have held on and played their little hearts out. Go Tech!

Luke's Halloween!

2010-11-09T07:31:00.001-08:00

Since the Rangers were in the world series, my sister&I thought it would be fun to dress Luke up as Josh Hamilton! Tattoos&all lol. I loved that my sister got to go trick or treating with us this year. She loved every minute of watching Luke go from door to door with his friends asking for candy =)

my first half-marathon & my love for my sister...

2010-10-25T07:52:00.001-07:00

After 7 months of training, I have officially completed my first half marathon! I am very proud of this accomplishment, and the whole experience is something I will never forget!

Running in the Nike Women's marathon among 30,000 other strong women!

Tamara's Dream Team! Her 10 close friends and family from all over the country who run to support her! We are on a mission to bring awareness to blood cancers and make a change!

Best husband ever. I do mean those words. He traveled to San Fran, hung out with 10 women, took care of us when we were tired, got our coffee in the morning, and our fruit! And did it all without complaining! Here he is at 5:30 am ready to support us girls in our marathon! He is amazing and he is mine =)

My sisters motivational speech at the Nike Womens College Night! Such a fun night! I have heard her talk for 29 years and she still amazes me. Always such a positive attitude and such a servant of our God.

My running shirt!

T's Dream Team!

My sis&I hanging out in Nike Town

Lately...

2010-10-12T08:15:00.001-07:00

Justins uncle, Bill Jr, came in to visit! He has been in Afghanistan for the past few years and it was great seeing him. He is such a fun guy and we always have a blast when we are with him! He took us out to dinner, played arcade games with Luke, then came back to our house and had some dessert. It was a great visit :)

September 24th we made a trip to Dallas for a special celebration. Our family and friends celebrated my sisters 1 year life celebration since being diagnosed with cancer. My brother travels all over the country for business, so it was amazing to have us all together for such a celebration. Tamara looked beautiful as always and she was a bright light to us all! We are at Ama Lur at the Gaylord Texan. Great food, drinks, family and friends!

Wonderful friends

Luke celebrating his Aunt T :)

In September, one of my very best friends, Brie got married!!! Luke and Ava were the ring bearer and flower girl!

I met Brie when I first came to Texas Tech. She was my sorority sister and 1 of my very first friends. We have been close every since then...10 years! We have been through so much, deaths, love, break ups, marriages, trips and pregnancies. We have a bond that only God can give 2 friends. I love her so very much and I know we will be in wheel chairs 1 day and still be each others bestest friends in life. She was a beautiful bride! :)

Bridesmaids at the Rehearsal dinner

My handsome husband and hot date! Brie told us we would get married 10 years ago, then she was my bridesmaid when I did marry him! ;)

Our family after the wedding!

Fall is here!

2010-10-08T07:41:00.001-07:00

I seem to be fitting into the category of most moms during this time of year. I am BUSY. Between traveling, weddings, football games, birthday parties and family events, I just have been on the go! Here are a few pics from the start of our fall season! It's my most favorite time of the year :)

Such a fun day! We spent an afternoon with our friends are the Corn Field Maze! Here, Luke and Tony are riding the train through the maze and loving every minute of it!

1 year....

2010-08-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? We are coming upon our one year anniversary of living with Cancer (as I have said numerous times, when a family member has the Big C, the whole family has it). So many things have taken place over this past year. I am not a big fan of rollar coasters, but feel like I have been on one non-stop lately.

Things are going great right now, considering. Tamara is gearing up for yet another round of chemo treatments, numerous lab visits and the dreaded poking of the skin with needles; But somehow through it all, she continues to wake each morning with a beautiful smile. I say somehow she gets through it all, but truth is, I know how she does it. The wonderful friends, family, acquaintances and believers, most not knowing each other, but coming together in prayers, thoughts, get well wishes, cards and phone calls. This is how you get through. You have heard us all, Joe, me, Tamara, Tara and Joseph say over and over how appreciative we are for your caring. Thank you is not enough but its hard to put into words our true feelings. I'm not going to lie. Its not all peachy all the time, just because we are believers. I asked Tamara recently "now be honest with me, how do you really feel?" Tamara replied "mom, it has been so long since I felt good that I don't know what feeling good is really like any more". Now if you knew Tamara, her spirit and the way she shines every day, most people don't believe she is sick, yet she is. There are days when I think I just want to lay in bed and forget the day. But then I make myself get moving because my struggles are minimum to hers. The first thing I do is close my eyes and thank God for another beautiful day. Another breath of fresh air is the unconditional love, understanding, support and more that her siblings have for each other. Not a day goes by that Tara and Tamara don't talk on the phone. Its hard on Tara being away from the family and Tamara especially, during this time. But Tara is such a beautiful sister and she'll never truly understand how that simple little phone call helps Tamara every day. And then of course there's Lucas aka Lukeasaurous or Lukee. He loves his Aunt T so much. He thinks she is his own 2 year old playmate. Talking about being able to put a smile on your face. There's Joseph, my son too. Tamara refers to him as her silent comforter. He doesn't always have a lot to say (unless its about the Rangers or Mavericks and sometimes even the Cowboys), yet he always seems to know what to say at just the right time. Noone can make Tamara laugh more than Joseph. My son-in-law Justin is so wonderful too. There have been times when he could tell Tara needed to come "home" and be with the family and Tamara and he never waivers. He's always ready to pick up the slack for Tara so she can be here when needed. He even took off one day recently to watch all 6 of Tara's Totz for her so she could be gone. I have a wonderful son-in-law. I could go on and on about so many dear and close to Tamara and our family, Carly, Holly, Sarah, Tracy, Erin, Kojo and so many more. The wonderful aunts, uncles, cousins, and most of all grandparents who always have hugs and kisses when needed. That have all been God sent!

Keep your friends close and your family closer. You never know when you might need them. If you are struggling with a family member, I encourage you to do everything possible to put your differences aside. Pick up the phone now, call them and tell them you love'em. Don't let another day go by without telling them you love them. I promise it will be worth the effort.

This note is not about "bragging" on my family. My point is to say no matter what your struggles are today, whether they be family, finances, addictions, work, non-work or your own health issues. There are people out there who really do care. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. There's nothing to be ashamed in asking. You are loved!

In closing let me say this. Facebook is a wonderful thing. Re-connecting with friends from our past is wonderful. I truly enjoy all the class functions, get-togethers, daily updates, post and pictures. It has also been instrumental in visiting with others who are going through difficult times. My classmates at NMHS have lost a lot of friends in the past few years and though we are all spread out across the country, everyone seems to come together even with kind words or post for our fallen friends. One in particular situation was through our dear Loretta Weatherman Mapes. What many of you don't know, in May (a month prior to Loretta's homecoming), Loretta was in Baylor Hospital. Tamara and I were at Baylor for four weeks during that time for chemo. Through facebook, Loretta would send me and Tamara messages, always wanting to know how Tamara and our family were doing. When Tamara would go through what I refer to as "the chemo nap" during treatments, I would quietly slip away and head over to visit with Loretta in her room. She would always pat the bed and tell me to sit next to her so we could talk. I could open up to her about the struggles from a parents point of view. Ask her opinion about how to handle a situation. Talk about chemo and cancer and get information and suggestions that sometimes Tamara may not want to tell me to protect me as her mother. Tamara never got a chance to meet Loretta face-to-face. The week Loretta died, we already had plans to go to her house to visit, but it never happened. Loretta went home, yet those messages through facebook and eventually for me in person were monumental for Tamara and I. Tamara found a friend through facebook that she might not otherwise have had the fortune to meet. Loretta through her messages have a lasting memory on Tamara's heart, someone who also was dealing with what she herself was going through and truly understood. I feel blessed to have had Loretta in my life but more importantly I love facebook and what it represents in keeping communication open for all. Other classmates from DHS, Sandy Baggett Rachels, Norman Boss and others are also living with cancer. Again, the facebook family has brought us all together. Be safe, be strong and be a believer!

Thank you!

This letter was written by my mom in celebrating of Tamara's 1 year anniversary of her diagnosis. I wanted to share it on our blog, to document our journey as a family through this time. We are all very proud of Tamara, for her fight and her love for life. She is an incredible person. I can sit her and write all day about her, but unless you spend 5 minutes talking to her, you will never understand. Through her diagnosis, our family is stronger than ever. We never get off the phone without saying "i love you." We spend many hours in prayer. There have been times, where I must admit, I have been angry with God, but never pushing Him away. I have begged and pleaded many of times, to let me trade places with Tamara. I would take her hurt and pain away in 1 heartbeat if I could. But, I know Gods plan is much bigger than we are and there is no arguing with our God. We are trusting him, relying on him for all of our strength. More than anything, this diagnosis has pushed our whole family and close friends to make our life right with Him and his will. Sisters have an unbreakable bond. We are 18 months apart and neither of us have ever done anything without the other. So, it is very hard to watch her go through this, for my brother& I both. But, she has handled it in the most inspirational way. Tamara really is lead in her life by Faith. She has taught us all so much about Faith and Hope during our darkest hours. I know, we will have many, many more years to celebrate in life!

We love you T, we are so proud of you.

A day at the park with Aunt KK

2010-08-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

My little sister in law, Katy, has recently graduated from New Mexico State University. After graduation, she made the big move to Lubbock! As, I have often said on our blog, it has been hard on Justin and I both to be away from all of our families. We are both very family family oriented, and even though our life is here in Lubbock, we both miss our families very much. So, needless to say, we were both very excited that Katy moved here 2 weeks ago! It has been a blessing to eat dinner together, and have her here to spend time with Luke and bond with him. Yesterday, we spent the afternoon at the park, feeding ducks and playing!

29

2010-08-19T06:54:00.001-07:00

New Tech gear for football season!

My sister was sad she was in Dallas & not here for my bday so she ordered us pizza! I love that idea...it was yummy & i didn't have to cook lunch!

Started off my 29th birthday with a good workout & then some cake! lol

He is a cake hog...he kept tricking me like he was going to share! Justin did good on the cake-- coconut irish cream cake...it was delicious! I am a sucker for anything with coconut!

My mom&dad surprised me&Justin with paying for our whole trip to San Francisco in October! (justins birthday is 2 weeks after mine so we usually get a joint trip for our gifts! We love to travel, so we always get excited!) My mom wanted me to have something on my actual birthday too, so she sent a yummy edible arrangement. It was full of chocolate&white chocolate everything!

In the evening we took Luke to the Nickelodeon Live show! He loveddd it and I do mean loved it! He was all excited about seeing his favorite characters at "the show". He sat the quietest&stillest I have ever seen him do in his little life.

And, he has lots of smiles!

Family Picture!

My new cowboys boots! I have never owned a pair. My mother in law bought these for me. I am going to get a lot of use out of them because Justin also bought us 4 dance sessions for 2-stepping and spinning! We have already been to 1 and we laughed so much. It was fun and a great date! =)

Eating another piece of cake..lol!

My birthday was wonderful. I feel so blessed to be where I am in life. I am so confident and focused on my life and plan with God. My boys and family are way more than I deserve, but I think I will keep them ;) Happy 29th Birthday to me!

Wisdom Wednesdays

2010-08-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

I got this idea from my friend, Jennifer's blog. It was a fun idea, so I wanted to do it as well! Wednesdays blogs will be dedicated to "words of wisdom" for Lucas Lee.

Lucas Lee-- " We know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love. God is love. Those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." (1 John 4:16)
Luke, always trust in God and the love He has for you. Love God through the storms and the sunshine. In the picture above, you were 15 hours old. Always remember:: God, Daddy & I loved you first. You life was planned through our love we had for you and family. We have been praying for you since the moment you were conceived and the very minute you were born baby.

My 2nd words of wisdom-- You were born a Red Raider! No matter what you do in life, we will always be proud of you! But, when it comes time to choose your college-- I want you to look back at this picture and remember how cute you were as a 1 week- 5 pound Red Raider!!! So, if you want to follow in Mommy&Daddies footsteps and graduate from Texas Tech-- we will always support that ;)

Lastest Happenings...

2010-07-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

Enjoying some birthday cake at Miss Karrigans 1st Birthday party!

Play date w/Ava! & eating cupcakes!

Being a silly little boy in our house =)

Swimming&playing with Gracie!

Luke is having a busy and fun summer! It seems like every weekend, we are at birthday parties, traveling, or swimming. Luke is having a blast this summer, and we are just enjoying family, sunshine and friends!

Noise?

2010-07-20T06:36:00.001-07:00

There are always those cute sayings your child does, that every parent thinks is just so cute. Luke has started a new phrase, "what's that makin' noise?" It is the cutest thing. He sounds so country when he says it lol. Anytime he hears a noise he hasn't heard before, or hears at a random time, his eyes light up and he says, "what's that makin' noise".

I love how much Luke loves to learn. He loves playing memory now, and he is good. He is growing so much, so fast. He can count to 30 now. He still loves puzzles. He will play soccer outside for hours. Even when momma&dadda are tired&drenched in sweat, he still keeps going. He absolutely lovesss baseball. He likes to stand in the living room floor and catch our tosses over and over again.

I am so proud of everything Luke does. I am so blessed to be his mom!

A day I will always cherish...

2010-07-07T06:58:00.001-07:00

I am so thankful for every lesson he teaches me in life! We had so much fun splashin' & playin' in the water on a rainy day! Thank you for this sweet day, Father Jesus.

theWHITEfamily

Luke at 3.5

Joy to the World

Christmas Party

Only the best news ever...

Puppy Love

Mini-Winter Vacation

Thankful~

What is Faith...

Puzzles

So calm...considering.

Hula Hoop Fun

Fighting for a CURE...in the most fun kind of way!

Luke at 3.5

2011 Halloween~

Life..the good, bad and sad

Happiness in pics-

Pumpkin Patch

Captain America!

Heavy heart...

Quote

Preview of Family Pics!

Pinterest

Air Balloons~

Luke & Texas Tech Football

Understanding God's Plan?!

Future Fireman?!

Some things just make you smile:)

Mail

Red Raider..

30..mostly in pics!

To Infinity and Beyond...

Life lately..in pics

Bucket List

Chocolate Milk Finder...

Update on Tamara..

A few of his favorite things...

Jeter-Boy..

Alaskan Salmon

...take my hand..we'll be friends forever..

A love like no other...

Just some pics...

Update on Tamara...

Mini-Vacation in pictures...

I love you bigger...

Best Neighbor Ever.

Cousins

Packing

Summer concerts!

Happiness

Aunt T's visit~

Library Loot

MFFL

Swim Lessons!

The Circus came to town...

From: Aunt T

TotsGym

Joplin

Memorial Day Weekend

A day in the sun~

3 year old buddies

3

I love him...

A good day gone bad..

Silly Bath!

Being a MOM

Be inspired to serve God...

Today...I am thankful for many things

An Early Easter...

Luke's busy weekend

One day at a time...

Angry for being angry

My sister is beautiful~

Lately...

After church picture

DisneyWorld

Joyful Noise

February 4th Snow day

Big D Climb

Post by: Tamara "Aunt T"