A Letter to Our Baby Girl

Dear Kylee Grace:

It’s your crazy Aunt T writing this letter! I hope I’m around in the future to share these wonderful stories with you. In case I am not, I want you to have this letter to always realize how unique, special and honored we are to have you. I know life can get tough and someday you might doubt your very existence and purpose in life.  If that moment ever arrives, please look back at this letter and realize you are absolutely perfect and we passionately loved you long before God created you inside Mommy’s womb.

It’s February 13, 2013, and you are set to arrive in just six days! To say your family from both sides is excited to meet you is an understatement; we are beside ourselves because the journey to this point is a miraculously one. God caught all of your Mommy’s and Daddy’s tears when they were heartbroken from previous failed attempts and handed them back in a beautifully wrapped pink package.

As much as your parents desperately wanted you, nothing compares to the joy and unconditional love your brother Lucas has for you! He prayed for you every single night and wanted a baby sister very bad. As you probably now know, Lucas is extremely smart and in many ways an old soul. Although he was almost five years old when you were born, he was by your parent’s side throughout the entire pregnancy. He vividly remembered what took place years before your birth and realized the precious gift of a single life.

Your pending birth is one of pure happiness and grace. However, it’s hard to explain the depth of our love for you without explaining the entire picture, the back story, what took place long before your arrival.

You see, Mommy was pregnant with a baby about two years before you were born. Mom and Dad had previously miscarried in the past, but this time it was different because the baby was almost four months old. In fact, I flew in and got to hear its heartbeat and held your Mommy’s hand when a huge smile came across her face at that very sound!

I was also there when the doctor walked in and told Mommy and Daddy that the back of the baby’s head had a hole and was leaking fluid. They told your parents the baby needed to be terminated because the fluid would either kill your mom or the infant would die at birth. If they baby did survive, doctors believed it’d be born in a vegetative state. Your parents didn’t care; they wanted that child regardless of its birth defects and passionately conveyed that message to doctors.

Your mom stayed in the hospital and each day Lucas would come to visit and crawl in her lap. He would hold her face and tell her “it’s going to be okay” to bring a small ray of sunshine to a devastating and painful situation. Your Mom fought hard for this child but one day the doctor walked in and told her the baby no longer had a heartbeat.

It crushed your parents. The doctor told them if they were ever going to get pregnant again, it would likely happen within a couple months.

Those couple of months turned into a couple of years.

 

Every single night, Mommy, Daddy and Lucas prayed for God to send them another baby. They weren’t the only ones. An entire army of people across the country also prayed because we knew how much they wanted this. Nanny and I would stand in place for your family at church every single week and have people pray over us because we desperately needed God to intercede and guide this process. In Lovington, New Mexico, your Nana and Papa would do the very same thing. You had an entire church there believing for your existence!

Your parents kept trying to get pregnant and each month your mom would buy a pregnancy test and I’d wait on the phone why we awaited the results. Each time came disappointment and I’d quietly weep on the phone because I could hear the sadness in your mom’s voice. After many failed attempts, your parents gladly took their savings and tried a special procedure to get pregnant. A couple of weeks later, Mommy, Lucas and Nanny came to see me in Boise for vacation. We had a spectacular week! We went white water rafting and your mom screamed the ENTIRE time while Lucas rode in the front with his hands waving in the air; we took a train ride through the mountains, went to the circus and danced through the downtown streets of Boise.

Something was different that week. Your mom glowed.

Although we didn’t mention the “baby” word, Lucas boldly declared to us one morning that “Mommy has a baby girl in her belly!” It took a 4-year-old little boy with unwavering childlike faith to remind us that God was in control. Fear from the past paralyzed our emotions and we were afraid to get excited until your mom took a pregnancy test. She wanted to wait for your Daddy and a week later she returned to Lubbock. Finally, their wish was confirmed – you were a peanut inside Mommy’s tummy!

Our trip to Boise! Mommy had no clue you were inside her belly!

At first, your parents didn’t want to tell anyone publicly because what had happened in the past. However, they quickly reminded everyone the power of prayer and ecstatically told everyone the news! Once again, you had people around the world praying for your very existence!

As the months went on, your parents tossed around names but your Dad didn’t want to pick one until he knew your gender. On the morning of your gender reveal, Mommy, Daddy, Lucas and I got dressed up and went to the doctor. Again, Lucas boldly told us repeatedly that you were a girl and we had to remind him that “we take whatever God gives us; this means a boy, too.” In fact, while we were in the hospital room, Luke kept chanting: “Girl, girl, girl!” We were so afraid he’d be heartbroken! Your Mom and Dad wouldn’t say it, but they really wanted a little girl, too.

It's A Girl!!!

At the moment of your gender reveal, the strangest thing happened.

We were in a public hospital and music was playing on the overhead speakers. Usually public places don’t play Christian music, but suddenly Chris Tomlin’s version of “Amazing Grace” came on the radio while we watched you move inside Mommy’s belly on the big screen. With Amazing Grace playing softly, the nurse blurted: “Girl!” We all jumped around, cried and hugged and your parents picked your name right then: Kylee Grace. That Sunday at church, they played “Amazing Grace” again and we all had joyous tears flowing down our faces!

During the last nine months, we’ve all anticipated your arrival – especially Lucas! We catch him telling you stories inside your crib, although you’re not there yet. He also calls me on the phone to pretend that he’s you. For some reason, you have a deep, British accent but I just play along with it to make Lucas happy. The week before your birth, he went screaming through the house that “Kylee will be here in ONE WEEEEEEEK!” He’s beyond thrilled to be your big brother!

Picture of Luke the night he learned about you!

So…here we are. We didn’t know if this day would ever come. Your story wouldn’t be fair without sharing the final piece – your Great-Grandmother, Sharlene. Your mom absolutely loved her Grandma and she was also her Godmother. They were deeply close and Grandma prayed and wanted you more than anyone! You should have seen the look on Grandma’s face when Mommy shared the news with her! They talked about you constantly! If you ever wonder where your Mom gets her love for birthdays and Christmases, look no further than Grandma! They are one in the same about holidays; they celebrate each event with their full hearts and never forget anyone. Grandma tried her best to fight and hang on to meet you. However, God needed her more and three weeks before you were born, on January 23, 2013, she went to Heaven. Her death broke all of us to pieces and you were there at her funeral. Nine months pregnant, with you in tow, Mommy hobbled up in front a packed audience at Grandma’s funeral and read her obituary. You and Mommy did a beautiful job and I know Grandma is extremely proud.

Grandma knew about you here and loved you aleady!

Grandma did leave you a final present. The mobile that hangs above your baby bed came from her. What a fitting gift! It’s the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you see when you close your eyes. That mobile hangs above your head like a guardian angel and it provides us great comfort knowing Grandma’s there to watch over you every step of the way.

In closing, I’ll explain where I fit in to the equation of your life.

I’m pretty sure you know this by now, but Mommy and I are best friends. We are 18 months apart and divided by one school year which meant, we shared many toys and gifts. One year, our Dad started disappearing late at night and we couldn’t figure out why until Christmas morning finally arrived. There, standing in our living room, was a life-size dollhouse about 5-feet tall that he created and built by hand! Our dad (your Poppi) is extremely creative and it’s probably the best dollhouse ever built; we instantly fell in love with it and spent many hours playing “house” with our dolls. During those times, I always pretended to be the career woman and zoomed around in the hot pink convertible. Your Mommy would always fill her rooms with kids because that’s all she wanted – a family. I used to get so mad because I wanted her to be career-oriented and have more goals than just “be a Mommy.”

It’s amazing how life evolves because as an adult that’s what I envy most. I look up to your Mom in many ways, but what I love most is her devotion for all children. God created her to be an extension of His arms; love on the babies who need it most and she is a shining example of His perfect love for us all. I am sure you know this, but you got the best two parents a child could have.

We didn’t think anyone or anything could ever top our Dad’s playhouse – but God did. Mommy gets a life-size dollhouse again, this time it’s been crafted and built by our Heavenly Daddy.

 

I want nothing more than to carry and raise my own child someday. But if it doesn’t happen, I’m forever thankful for the gift your parents’ gave me. They allowed me to love, spoil and hold you and Lucas like you’re my own!

We are very excited about your life, Kylee. No matter what happens down the road, always remember three simple things: Love God. Serve others. Treasure family. Most importantly, never doubt God's timing and plans even when we don't understand. The truth is...the longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate the gift when it does arrive. Sometimes when it seems that things are falling apart, their actually falling in place! It took patience and faith...but ohhhhh baby girl, you were worth the wait!

We love you our sweet Angel,

Aunt T