Yesterday was bit of a difficult day.
As I was cleaning out my purse, I found an appt card. Yesterday, we were supposed to have a sonogram to find out the sex of our baby. It was an instant slap to my face. A kick in the tummy. A heart broken again. I cried for about 10 minutes straight. Not the kind of cry that is controlled. It was like I felt the pain of loosing a baby all over again. An instant reminder of how broken I have been over the past month.
Ironically, I had visited with my good friend, Samantha, the night before. Sam shared a book, "Heaven is for Real".
When I was taking Luke outside to enjoy a beautiful afternoon I saw the book sitting on the kitchen table. I picked it up and outside we went. I had no idea the many messages God was going to share with me through that book. Not knowing anything about the book, I dove into it heart first. I will not ruin the book for anyone who has not read it by sharing the story. But, I will share that many of times throughout the book, I was reminded how God is in control. I was reminded that there is no better place to be in the world than in the hands of the son of God. I have a very strong faith, and I know I will get to see my babies again. ( I have lost 2 babies within the past 4 years.) I have hurt, but I have never questioned God on whether or not my babies were safe. I have always known they were. I choose to believe in our God. I choose to believe I will get to hold our babies again. One day. Until then, I will love and appreciate all that God has blessed me with on this Earth.
While I was cooking dinner, I had another crying time with Justin. While he held me, he reminded me as well, that God loves us even when we feel we are being punished. That His needs for us outweigh our needs for our own self. It's a good reminder to have every once in awhile =)
*In closing, I would completely recommend that book to anyone who has not read it! I laughed and cried my way through it lol. Big messages through 4 year old eyes! I went to bed last night in peace. Partly because of my MAVS win lol...but mostly because of the messages I received from our God yesterday. It's all going to be okay. Life will be okay, if I give up my own needs more often and let God work.
As I was cleaning out my purse, I found an appt card. Yesterday, we were supposed to have a sonogram to find out the sex of our baby. It was an instant slap to my face. A kick in the tummy. A heart broken again. I cried for about 10 minutes straight. Not the kind of cry that is controlled. It was like I felt the pain of loosing a baby all over again. An instant reminder of how broken I have been over the past month.
Ironically, I had visited with my good friend, Samantha, the night before. Sam shared a book, "Heaven is for Real".
When I was taking Luke outside to enjoy a beautiful afternoon I saw the book sitting on the kitchen table. I picked it up and outside we went. I had no idea the many messages God was going to share with me through that book. Not knowing anything about the book, I dove into it heart first. I will not ruin the book for anyone who has not read it by sharing the story. But, I will share that many of times throughout the book, I was reminded how God is in control. I was reminded that there is no better place to be in the world than in the hands of the son of God. I have a very strong faith, and I know I will get to see my babies again. ( I have lost 2 babies within the past 4 years.) I have hurt, but I have never questioned God on whether or not my babies were safe. I have always known they were. I choose to believe in our God. I choose to believe I will get to hold our babies again. One day. Until then, I will love and appreciate all that God has blessed me with on this Earth.
While I was cooking dinner, I had another crying time with Justin. While he held me, he reminded me as well, that God loves us even when we feel we are being punished. That His needs for us outweigh our needs for our own self. It's a good reminder to have every once in awhile =)
*In closing, I would completely recommend that book to anyone who has not read it! I laughed and cried my way through it lol. Big messages through 4 year old eyes! I went to bed last night in peace. Partly because of my MAVS win lol...but mostly because of the messages I received from our God yesterday. It's all going to be okay. Life will be okay, if I give up my own needs more often and let God work.
1 comment:
The tears came after reading this post for the unimagineable sadness of your loss but also the immense joy that you still radiant. How thankful I am that we have a God who always loves us and always wants the best for us. How great that we can always rejoice in Him even in these unexplainable difficult times. Praying for you and your family.
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