I realized 2 years ago, this past saturday, that sometimes there is no understanding Gods plan. We must rely on FAITH to keep us moving in trials, bad times, heart ache, discomfort and pain.
Hebrews 11:1
"...Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"
This verse has become my life house for struggling with hard times. It is so hard to not be in control of our life and to give that up to our Father. If we even try to understand everything we have been through, everything we are going through and everything we will go through, we will not be successful in that attempt. I have come to realize, that only God knows, and we have to wait- yes wait- patiently or impatiently until the day we have our "talk" with our God.
Hebrews 12:28-29
"..since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire"
Learning to be thankful during the most trying times, for me, is an extremely hard lesson. 2 years ago, I had to learn that. When my sister was diagnosed with cancer 24 short months ago, my biggest struggle has been to live in the moment. To thank God for the trials and tribulations I have had to watch my sister and family go through. It has not been easy. Hebrews has become my favorite book in the Bible. Basically, because blind faith has had to lead myself and my family.
This past saturday was a very bittersweet day. My sister and family were celebrating Tamara's 2 years of LIVING life. Myself , my friends & sorority sisters were mourning the loss of a pledge sister and friend. When I look at our pledge picture, all I see are angels. Beautiful angels, dressed in white formals, who were preparing for a year of college life, sorority life, friendships, etc. Girls who would stand in eachothers weddings, be there for the births of each others children, celebrate many birthdays. I would not have ever imagined that day we would be saying goodbye to a friend 10 years later. Almost exactly to the day, 10 years later.
Lindsay was a sweetheart. There is nothing negative you could even say about a girl who was so positive. She had a beautiful outlook on life, a strong foundation in God. Like many people have said, I have never heard her say anything bad about anybody, she was always sweet, always ready to have a good time, always fun to talk to and be around. I have been guilty of questioning God a time or two about her death. No, it is not understandable. A beautiful mom, loving wife, great friend..why God?? I have thought that same thing about my sister, why her? Why does she have this struggle? Beautiful they both are, sweet, kind, loving of their Lord. When I look at it in that prospective it makes perfect sense. They were His creation, they were here on Earth as a loan from Him to us. Their bodies, hearts, life, they all belong to our Father.
I have been reading through the many emaisl, fb messaging exchanges, chats etc between Lindsay and I. Every message she talks about how much she loves her boys. Being moms, it has always fun to share your mommy stories with other mommies. Especially when your kids are close in age! I cried many tears when I read the ones where she is sending bible verses and encouraging words to keep me going in hard times. The diagnosis of my sister, miscarriages, little messages when Luke would get sick from just a cold. She was so darn positive, inspiring...and loving.
Through every trial, I always try to reflect on what God wants me to see in his plans. I have to take something with me from each experience. 1 thing both my sister and Lindsay had in common, was their ability to stay positive in every situation. I am taking that valuable lesson with me and looking into ways I can learn from that. To keep my Faith in Christ through everything, to smile and just be so thankful and happy. To always try to find the good in all aspects of life. I have dove into my bible to get support from His word to make these changes in my life. That is my way of honoring Lindsay. That is my way of living in the "moment" with Tamara.
Psalm 17:6-7
"I will call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give an ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand..."
*For those who read my blog, please continue to pray for Lindsay's family and close friends. Her husband, Gabe and her beautiful baby boys.
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