The past couple of months, life has seemed to throw a lot of trials, heartbreak and sadness out for so many people I love and care about. These times pull us so close to our loved ones, keep us on our knees in prayer..they put life into far more perspective the older we get. "No one is ever guaranteed tomorrow, so live today."
1 of my very close friends, Ryann, lost her mom yesterday after a 2 year battle with breast cancer. Ryann and I have been through the journey of cancer together. Her mom was diagnosed shortly after my sister was diagnosed w/cancer. We have allowed ourselves to be weak with each other, because we are the strong ones for our families.
Background: Ryann & I went to the same high school, graduated together. In our little town, there was only around 245 in our graduating class, so everyone knew everyone. Literally. Ryann was on the dance team and was very shy. I was outgoing and hung w/the athletes. We were 2 different people and not too close of friends in high school. But, we were nice to each other, had no problems of any kind. It was years later when we formed our bond.
When myspace became the center of the social world, Ryann and I reconnected. We had lunch when I came into town. We "chatted it up" on myspace, etc. Then, we became really close. Both Ryann & I both found out we were pregnant w/our 1st child at the same time. 2 months later, we both miscarried at the same time. Fast forward another few months, we both found out we were pregnant again. Both were sickkkkk during pregnancies with frequent hospital visits. Both delivered healthy babies just a few weeks apart. Our kids have playdates when we go home, we attend birthday parties for each other, etc. Then tragedy hit both of our families. My sister and her mom were diagnosed just days after my sister with cancer. 2 different cancers, but it doesnt matter, cancer effects the whole family, no matter what kind. Our relationship became something so strong during that time. We have morning phone calls with updates, we cry together, we get mad together, we pray together. Early this year, I went through another miscarriage, and Ryann went through a personal life tragedy. We constantly laugh at how we are soul sisters in life lol. We have needed each other over the past few years to get through the trials of life.
When Ryann called me and told me just a couple of weeks ago that her moms cancer had moved to her brain, we prayed and prayed. Never did we expect that she would loose her so quickly. Just a few days ago she called because they put her mom on hospice. I knew what hospice care meant, and so did Ryann. But, we didnt talk about it, we just cried on the phone together. Then being us, we started laughing and joking around about other things.
Yesterday when I got the news, my heart broke. It was not the outcome I prayed for. It had happened way faster than it was supposed to. Why is there never enough time to prepare? I'm not sure there is ever enough time to prepare for tragedy in life.
Our text messages we exchanged yesterday is the good in all this bad. It went like this:
Me: How are you holding up?
Ryann: This sucks so bad. It's an awful dream. I cannot believe this happened. I am blank...
Me: I wish we had answers. The hardest test of our God is waiting to find understanding in His plan.
Ryann: I HATE cancer. AH!
Me: I know, me too. It steals from the people we love the most. Screw it, its okay to be mad at cancer. We will still fight for a cure.
Ryann: Yes and pray. Everyday.
*This is good. Why? you might ask. Whats so good about this situation? This pain? I see it so clearly, even when cancer (the devil) takes away from us...we will still STAND and FIGHT for a cure. We PRAY for a cure. For the first time, Ryann and I were able to vocalize to each other how much we truly hated cancer. It's okay to be mad sometimes. But, the most important part, is that we keep fighting and praying. Cancer holds NO judgements on people it will affect. No matter what color, age, race, social status, no matter how much money you have or don't have. Cancer doesn't care.
I choose to pray over everything. God is so much bigger than cancer. His will takes precedent over this disease. Until there is a cure, I will attend every cancer fighting function, event, race, etc that I can to FIGHT it.
*Many prayers, love and blessings being sent to the Payne family. I love you all~
