Christmas Party

This past week, we got together with our close friends for a little Christmas party at 50th Street Caboose! Our kids all get along so well and we had a great evening! Little gifts were exchanged and we enjoyed a delicious meal. It was a fun evening and I absolutely feel blessed for our wonderful friends in Lubbock!

Only the best news ever...

We met with our fertility specialist this past week...and the news was GREAT!

We are NOT out of the loop on having another baby!!!! That is an early Christmas present in itself :)

I will have to have a couple of surgeries, be on a few antibiotics and get on some medication to get my thyroid functioning again, but in the end, our doctor feels as though we still might have a chance at birthing another baby! I can't help but cry even as I write this...

I will continue to update as we go through this process. I have complete hope I will get to post a "I am Pregnant" blog soon!

I cannot even explain what a relief Justin and I have felt since this appointment. When we got into one of the rooms we had to do testing in, our specialist had me look at a wall. It was a gigantic cork board filled with pictures of families. She looked me right in the eyes and said, "every single one of these families were told they couldn't have kids again, and they all have 2 or more." I had chills shoot through my entire body. I started to cry, and the only words I could mutter were, "God bless you." I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what else to say or do?! She told me I would need to "trust" her and do everything she asked of me and she would help us get there. I was impressed with how much knowledge she had. She knew everything about our past. Every miscarriage, surgery, hospital visit etc. She was literally on top of everything in our medical history.

In the mean time, we are enjoying our Christmas holidays! We just recently had a fun Christmas party for Luke & his friends. (Pics to come!) We are in NM now celebrating an early Christmas weekend with all of Justins family. Life is good this holiday season.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and many blessings to come in 2012~

Puppy Love

This is DIRK!

My parents dog, Kandice, passed away this past year. My parents got her when I was in the 8th grade. She was a part of the family forever and it was very hard when she passed away. In our families, dogs are a part of our family unit. Even for us, Jeter & Jaclyn travel with us, even though they are huge, they are still house dogs. Their puppy beds are as big as our King bed (almost!). Needless to say, picking out a new family member is a pretty big decision.

One night while we were discussing family Christmas presents, Luke said, "I want Nanny and Poppi to have a puppy. It's to quiet there now." I had been thinking the same thing for a bit of time now and when he said that, it was the perfect idea, Nanny & Poppi are getting a puppy for Christmas!!!

We did a lot of looking, some house visits with breeders, looked at some local pet shops. Then, I found an ad for a half lab, half german shepard. I went to the families home and as soon as I saw this little guy, I was sold. I was probably there 15 minutes total. He was exactly what we had been looking for! He is funny, bouncy, full of puppy breath and on his way to being spoiled rotten! He is staying with us until we go to DFW for the holidays. Part of their present is we are training Dirk. So, its almost as if we have another baby in the house! My alarm wakes me up in the middle of night for potty breaks, we are working on sitting, speaking, house training etc. He is a SMART dog! Luke spilled the beans over a heytell message to Nanny. (Don't you just love 3 years old inability to keep a "secret"?!) But, its fun, we send pictures daily so they can see him!

I can't wait to give my parents this cute, sweet puppy for Christmas! I know he will bring them a lot of laughs and new puppy memories! Luke is being such a big boy about knowing he is going to Nanny's house. We keep reminding him every time he goes visits he will get to see his new friend. He says smart boy things like, "he can help Poppi in the big yard." I am so glad he seems to be okay with that transition. I am sure there will be a few tears shed...but luckily he has a great relationship w/our 2 dogs! He knows those are "his" pups!

Welcome to the family DIRK! You are already so loved :)

Mini-Winter Vacation

This past weekend, we took Luke to our cabin in Ruidoso for a little getaway. Here are the pics from our vacation, through his eyes :)

Thankful~

3 generations of "Lee White"

My girl in-laws after Thanksgiving lunch!

The boys!

So very thankful for my little family that our Lord has blessed me with.

This little guy is the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for.

Luke & his Papa

Luke & his nana

My beautiful sister in law. So very thankful for her as a friend and sister in law. We are really close and I have loved watching her grow up into such an amazing woman. She had just finished 7th grade when Justin and I started dating. Now, she is a college graduate, has a great career, just got her own home and truly the most generous little ladies you could ever meet. :)

This boy can eat!

Despite the difficult news we received right before Thanksgiving, we had a wonderful holiday. We laughed, ate, napped and took time to pray and thank the Lord for His many blessings.

I hope each and everyone of your families had time to thank God for being our Savior. Sometimes, life can be hard, but we are truly appreciative for our families and friends and all the love and support they give us. There will always be hard times, bad news, difficult answers to questions we have been longing for. But, we have to keep our heads up, focus on the positive and keep moving one foot in front of another.

It's always hard to not see both of our families on special days. But, I am so thankful that my parents had an early thanksgiving for us 2 weeks ago. It means so much to me that they are so generous. We always switch Thanksgiving and Christmas between our 2 families. I cannot even explain how much we appreciate our families being loving and understanding of this.

I hope Christmas season brings many blessing and love to you all!

Happy Holiday Season!

What is Faith...

I feel as though over the past 2 months, my faith has been tested down to the core.

Today, it all came tumbling down on me. I feel everything deep down into my soul that has been going on. Like, I feel it. There has been no time to put feelings to the side to get through the day. Is it so wrong to feel? Not always, sometimes we have to get to that point to move forward. Yes, God, this has been the hand we have been dealt with. I have lost friends to the Lord, I have watched my closest friend lose her mom, I have hurt for others. Today, I hurt for myself. And it is all real. This is my life, and now, my faith has to get me through it.

The call came in around 9am, I am down into the 10% chance of EVER being able to have another child. I know I have an amazing son, I know how blessed I am for that. This post isn't with an ungrateful heart. It is from a real heart of a mom that wanted 4+ kids. It's a real form of the pain a mom feels when she learns she may never have kids again.

Lupus has completely attacked my uterus, I am down into the 90% chance that I wont be able to be pregnant again. But, what FAITH does, is remind us that we still have a 10% shot of being blessed with another child. My body just isnt producing the things I need to have a kid. But, we are going to do everything the dr asks of us. EVERYTHING. And we are going to pray, hope and have FAITH that God will hear our prayers.

My diet has to be perfect. There can be no room for error. None. No pressure right?! No sugars, no fried food, nothing. No alcohol (my only loss here is my glass of wine in the bath!). No stress. I must take 30 mins out of everyday to do yoga, meditate and practice breathing. (I have to admit I actually look forward to this request of my ob lol) No caffeine. Goodbye morning cup of coffee.

We will still do the fertility treatments for 1 year.

More important than all of that...we will PRAY. Faith has been on our side so many times before. It just hurts and is shocking to hear a doctor tell us this news. But, Justin and I decided, we have to look at tomorrow as a new day. So many lifestyle changes have to happen, but we will do it together as a family. Even writing this I feel a strength inside. I know my life is in Gods hands, and HE is the miracle provider. I trust in that so much.

Puzzles

Friday night puzzle time w/dad!

So calm...considering.

Well, I finally had my anxiously awaited doctor appointment to discuss my uterus, cervix, pelvis, etc. How fun? Right...WRONG.

I will skip past all the descriptions and other yucky stuff.

The results: we DON'T know...still.

But, we will very soon.

Just a quick summary:
My Lupus is attacking my uterus. The doctor removed a pretty large amount of polyps from my insides (rather painful and not fun). She also realized I was not ovulating. Despite having a "cycle", I wasn't actually having a "cycle". Sucks, huh? Girls know exactly what I am talking about. So anyways, we now we will be working with our Ob, our high risk ob and a fertility specialist is now added to that list.

Considering everything, I am so calm. I did my "little" bit of tears and hugs with Justin. Hugged Luke ultra tight and said a prayer of thankfulness for the blessings God has given us. Then I was okay. I have a lot of hope! I sent a few text messages w/our close family joking around. Something like.."we might end up Tara & Justin plus ten". I truly was able to laugh about it. I guess I just know this is all in God's hands. It has never been in mine. I was told I would never have kids and I still have the most perfect, amazing little boy. He is a gift as will be our future lil tots. I genuinely believe that God will bless us with another child. I feel it in my heart. Deep into my soul.

I searched all the info I could find on our new fertility specialist. From what I read, she is blunt, a hard worker and the first doctor to have a positive in-vitro fertilization in Lubbock. All sounds good to me. I look forward to Justin and I meeting with her in a few short weeks to see what our next step will be.

Until then, I will just keep loving on our sweet guy. Baking for the holidays and playing on pinterest ;)

Hula Hoop Fun

Best $5 purchase I have made in a long time!

Fighting for a CURE...in the most fun kind of way!

This past weekend, so many of our friends and family in the DFW metroplex came out to support Tamara and the Lymphoma society in the Dallas Winter Pineapple Classic. It was a great day, full of fun! 1 of my closest friends and sorority sisters, Monica, competed with my brother and her husband. We laughed so much doing the course! I was not good at all at taking pictures this year. The pictures do not even do the whole day justice.

Our family always has this saying, "we will find a cure, one step at a time." We truly mean that, every event we attend, put on, support, etc. is more help in finding a cure for Tamara. It is my every prayer we find a cure for blood cancer, for all cancers.

Luke at 3.5

It has been awhile since I have updated what Luke is into etc.

- Weight 42 pounds
- Dusty Blonde hair and big, brown eyes
- Silly
- LOVES to entertain
- Can count into 30's
- Can count backwards from 10
- Can spell his full name: Lucas Lee White
- Prefers to be called Luke
- Into ANY and EVERY superhero
- Can name almost every type of dinosaur & what food they eat
- Really into learning how to read at the moment. Loves learning and spelling new words
- HATES to pick up his toys at night. He will come up with every excuse, "foot hurts" .."my tummy hurts to bend over" etc. It will take him 15 minutes to pick up 3 toys. lol.
- He is so funny when it comes to prayer time at the dinner table. He has "thanked" Jesus for all his "brothers and sisters" the "toys are the toy store mom and dad are going to buy me" etc.
- Likes: Trix cereal, cinnamon pop tarts, funyuns, apples, bananas, avocados, sandwiches and yogurt.
- He knows how to "heytell" message on my phone
- Loves to take my camera and take pictures of everything in the house
- Will LIVE outside during the day if he could ;)
- Loves movies! Very into: Lion King, Dumbo, Madagascar(s) and Cars. And anything with dinosaurs.
- His favorite toys: Kitchen set, train set, car mat and matchbox cars, basketball goal, and all his 2million superheros
- Loves to wrestle with his daddy every night
- Loves to read me books while I take a bath in the evenings
- Likes going out to eat where there are "games" to play.
-SOOO SOOO SOOO lovable. If you ask for a kiss you will get it with about 50 more.
- Will NOT wear undies unless they have a super hero on them.

--> Lucas Lee,
You are a joy to be around every day. Even when you are "grouchy" you still bring a light into this house and our lives that is irreplaceable. Your laugh can stop time for daddy & I. We love you to the...stars, sun, moon and back :)

Love, Mommy

2011 Halloween~