I feel as though over the past 2 months, my faith has been tested down to the core.
Today, it all came tumbling down on me. I feel everything deep down into my soul that has been going on. Like, I feel it. There has been no time to put feelings to the side to get through the day. Is it so wrong to feel? Not always, sometimes we have to get to that point to move forward. Yes, God, this has been the hand we have been dealt with. I have lost friends to the Lord, I have watched my closest friend lose her mom, I have hurt for others. Today, I hurt for myself. And it is all real. This is my life, and now, my faith has to get me through it.
The call came in around 9am, I am down into the 10% chance of EVER being able to have another child. I know I have an amazing son, I know how blessed I am for that. This post isn't with an ungrateful heart. It is from a real heart of a mom that wanted 4+ kids. It's a real form of the pain a mom feels when she learns she may never have kids again.
Lupus has completely attacked my uterus, I am down into the 90% chance that I wont be able to be pregnant again. But, what FAITH does, is remind us that we still have a 10% shot of being blessed with another child. My body just isnt producing the things I need to have a kid. But, we are going to do everything the dr asks of us. EVERYTHING. And we are going to pray, hope and have FAITH that God will hear our prayers.
My diet has to be perfect. There can be no room for error. None. No pressure right?! No sugars, no fried food, nothing. No alcohol (my only loss here is my glass of wine in the bath!). No stress. I must take 30 mins out of everyday to do yoga, meditate and practice breathing. (I have to admit I actually look forward to this request of my ob lol) No caffeine. Goodbye morning cup of coffee.
We will still do the fertility treatments for 1 year.
More important than all of that...we will PRAY. Faith has been on our side so many times before. It just hurts and is shocking to hear a doctor tell us this news. But, Justin and I decided, we have to look at tomorrow as a new day. So many lifestyle changes have to happen, but we will do it together as a family. Even writing this I feel a strength inside. I know my life is in Gods hands, and HE is the miracle provider. I trust in that so much.
Today, it all came tumbling down on me. I feel everything deep down into my soul that has been going on. Like, I feel it. There has been no time to put feelings to the side to get through the day. Is it so wrong to feel? Not always, sometimes we have to get to that point to move forward. Yes, God, this has been the hand we have been dealt with. I have lost friends to the Lord, I have watched my closest friend lose her mom, I have hurt for others. Today, I hurt for myself. And it is all real. This is my life, and now, my faith has to get me through it.
The call came in around 9am, I am down into the 10% chance of EVER being able to have another child. I know I have an amazing son, I know how blessed I am for that. This post isn't with an ungrateful heart. It is from a real heart of a mom that wanted 4+ kids. It's a real form of the pain a mom feels when she learns she may never have kids again.
Lupus has completely attacked my uterus, I am down into the 90% chance that I wont be able to be pregnant again. But, what FAITH does, is remind us that we still have a 10% shot of being blessed with another child. My body just isnt producing the things I need to have a kid. But, we are going to do everything the dr asks of us. EVERYTHING. And we are going to pray, hope and have FAITH that God will hear our prayers.
My diet has to be perfect. There can be no room for error. None. No pressure right?! No sugars, no fried food, nothing. No alcohol (my only loss here is my glass of wine in the bath!). No stress. I must take 30 mins out of everyday to do yoga, meditate and practice breathing. (I have to admit I actually look forward to this request of my ob lol) No caffeine. Goodbye morning cup of coffee.
We will still do the fertility treatments for 1 year.
More important than all of that...we will PRAY. Faith has been on our side so many times before. It just hurts and is shocking to hear a doctor tell us this news. But, Justin and I decided, we have to look at tomorrow as a new day. So many lifestyle changes have to happen, but we will do it together as a family. Even writing this I feel a strength inside. I know my life is in Gods hands, and HE is the miracle provider. I trust in that so much.
1 comment:
I will pray for you Tara! You are so strong!
Post a Comment